


Code of Silence

by Leah Adezio Archivist (offpanel_archivist)



Series: Changing Tides [3]
Category: Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1996-07-03
Updated: 1996-07-03
Packaged: 2017-11-18 19:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offpanel_archivist/pseuds/Leah%20Adezio%20Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The <b>Changing Tides</b> series. Het, Tempest/OC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Code of Silence

**Author's Note:**

> This story is archived on behalf of Leah Adezio, who passed away in 2007, by her designated archivist.
> 
> Special thanks to Carmen Williams, for scanning and reformatting this fic from ancient hard copy.

CODE OF SILENCE

 

by

Leah Adezio

 

 

 

"You've been through it once, you know how it ends.

You don't see the point of going through it again...

And you can't talk about it, and isn't that a kind of madness,

To be living by a code of silence when you've really got a lot to say?"

 

          — B. Joel/C. Lauper

 

 

 

**Chapter One - Reunion**

 

_"Well, they put the cold dirt over [her], left me on my own.  When at last I looked up, I saw I was not alone."_

          — Harry Chapin

 

            A young woman strolled in the flower garden behind her small home, her figure flitting between the lengthening shadows that were spreading over the wall.  Night was quickly approaching.

 _I should leave before it gets too late,_ she thought.  With a practiced hand, she picked a vibrant bloom.  _I_ _think blue for you, Father.  You always liked me in blue._

            A bright yellow flower surrounded by a solid expanse of red ones caught her eye.  _You're not supposed to be here.  I thought I only planted red flowers here._ She picked it, and the picking brought back a memory.

_This is more than appropriate for you, dear friend.  You always were yellow surrounded by red._

            She left the garden and followed the deepening shadows across the city.  She followed this routine every evening, without fail.  She came home from work, picked flowers, and carried them along this very route.  She never paused to chat with acquaintances or glance in the merchants' windows.  Day's end was a relief to most -- a time to join with family and share in conversation and togetherness -- but it held no happy anticipation for the auburn-haired young woman.

            She rounded a corner and saw the monuments.

            As she came closer, she stopped short.  One had greenery at its base, planted by her mother, she knew.  A large spray of flowers encircled the other.

 _Looks like I'm not the only one who's been here today,_ she mused. _Who could have left all these flowers?  The Queen?  No...she's gone.  The King? Maybe...._ The young woman clutched her flowers and walked around the monument.

            There, she found an old friend.  She stood silently and watched him.  He was on his knees, bowing his head deeply.  His long, tapered fingers rested lightly on his heavily muscled thighs.  A barely perceptible shudder rippled across his broad shoulders.  _Why, he's crying,_ she thought to herself.  _It's about time he was able to really cry for you, my friend.  He's missed you so much.  He feels so responsible for what happened to you._

            She looked at the yellow flower in her hand.  _Yellow surrounded by red._ Not wishing to disturb the kneeling man, she crept softly behind him and bowed her own head, offering prayers to the souls of the dead.

 _One year, Tula.  One year since you died.  Do you know how much you are missed?_ She grasped the yellow bloom tightly.  _Gods, it's passed by so quickly, yet_ _it_ _seems like it's been forever.  I wish I had died instead of you.  You didn't deserve this._ She gazed at the young man.  _He didn't deserve this.  He loved you so much, my friend._

            Tentatively, she extended her hand and placed it on the young man's shoulder.  The touch was electric.  His head snapped up and he swirled around.  His deep violet eyes registered surprise.

            "Alianne?"

            The woman dropped to her knees beside him.  "Garth.  Hi."

            "You startled me."

            "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to.  I didn't expect anybody to be around.  Usually, I'm the only one here." She sat back on her heels and studied him closely, noticing the weariness in his face.  _So tired._

            "I could say the same thing.  About not expecting anyone, I mean..."

            Alianne smiled softly.  "You haven't heard then? I'm the crazy person who spends her evenings talking to the dead.  Every evening, like clockwork.  Or at least that's what my mother tells me -- but I stopped listening to my mother a long time ago, you know."

            "You haven't changed a bit, have you?" Garth asked.  "Not in all the years I've known you.  It's nice to know that some things haven't changed."

            "Yeah," Alianne replied.  "Same old me." Hesitantly, she met his gaze, searching for clues as to his state of well-being.  Few answers were forthcoming and that disturbed her.  She used to be able to read him so well.  "I haven't seen you for the longest time.  How are you?"

            "Fine."  He hesitated.  _Fine_ was what he'd been telling anyone else if they'd asked how he was.  Alianne, however, deserved a truthful response, if for no other reason than that she would easily determine that fine was a lie.  He decided to offer a bit of the truth before she demanded it.  "Better.  Not great, but better...you know?"

            "I do, indeed.  She was my best girlfriend.  I miss her."  She blinked back tears and forced a smile, convinced that if she gave in to emotion, it would shatter him and she was not about to upset what sense of internal balance he had.  It had taken him a year to achieve that much.  "I've missed you, too," she said simply.  "Are you going to stay or will you be leaving again?"

            Garth rose to his feet, shaking his head.  "You know why I had to go away, Ali.  I couldn't deal with it here -- but I can't run away forever.  I've got to put it all behind me.  Yeah, I'm sticking around."

            Alianne looked up at her friend.  _Gods!  It seems like the last time we hung out together, we stood eye to eye!  When did you grow? Where did the years go?_

            Suddenly, she remembered the flowers in her grasp.  She sat the pretty yellow flower next to Garth's spray and held the solitary blue one.  "Will you stay a moment?  I want to say hello to my father."

            "I'm not going anywhere," he said.

            Alianne walked to a nearby memorial and stood silently before her father's grave.  She placed the vivid blue bloom in front of Lord Gavor's bust.  Its stone eyes stared coldly at her, but she liked to believe that they could actually see her.  She often pretended that they could, although at twenty, she would never admit to pretending.

_Papa, I wish you were here.  I love you.  I'll be back to see you tomorrow, just like I always do._

            Garth stood a short distance away.  He looked at Alianne and thought back to their childhood days.  _You've really grown up,_ he mused, taking in the hint of angles in her face, the maturity in her bearing.  He couldn't remember when she had acquired them.  He couldn't even remember when the straight sturdiness had left her body, to be replaced by softer, woman's curves.  _I don't think I ever told you I was sorry about your father.  Some friend I am._

            Alianne came to stand before Garth.  "I have an idea," she said.  "Let me buy you dinner tonight.  I haven't eaten yet, have you?"  He shook his head, reluctance in his posture.  She picked up on it immediately.  That, at least, wasn't difficult to read at all.  "We used to be best buddies, Garth.  You're still one of the best friends I've got.  It's the least I can do.  How about it?"

            "I don't know, Ali..." _If_ _I start talking to you, I'm going to end up telling you how I really feel.  You've always done that to me..._

            "Oh, come on," she wheedled.  "It's not like we have anything better to do.  We can talk.  You do remember how to talk, don't you?" She caught the look he gave her.  "Okay," she amended, "we don't have to talk...not if you don't want to...please, buddy?" -- she emphasized buddy -- "I'll treat.  And you can pick the place.  I'd really enjoy spending time with someone outside of work."  Her green eyes gave him an imploring look.  "Please?"

            The look did him in.  "All right, already!" Garth surrendered.  "I give up! You always did know how to get your own way."  And for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, he began to smile.  "I get to pick the place? Buddy, you may regret saying that."

            "Hey, it's one way to spend my inheritance," she replied, smiling back.

            They strolled back into the heart of the city, darkened now, the great biolights atop the dome of Poseidonis having dimmed to simulate night.

            Garth chuckled suddenly.

            Alianne placed her hands on her hips.  "What's so funny?" she demanded.

            "You are.  I'd forgotten how much of a free spirit you are.  Nothing bothers you, does it?"

            "Nope."  For a brief moment, there was a look on her face that Garth had no idea how to read.  Then, as quickly as it came, it vanished from her face and the smile returned.  "I'm still a fun person.  Let's have some fun tonight.  We deserve it.  Okay?"

            She held out her hand.  Garth took it in his own.

            "Okay."

 

******

 

**Chapter Two - In the Beginning, an interlude**

 

_"First time that someone looked behind the rumors and the lies; saw the man inside..."_

          — R. Marx

 

            A familiar sight greeted Lord Gavor as he returned home after an exceptionally long day.  As he climbed the steps and crossed the threshold of his large, ornate house, his young consort descended upon him like a shark upon a guppy.  _Oh, here it comes.  Let's see_ _if_ _the topic's different today._

            Lady Sailyn's skirts swirled behind her.  "Gavor, you must have words with your daughter -- tonight!"

 _Same old topic._ Gavor set his document case down and planted a token kiss on his consort's cheek.  "What did she do today, Sailyn?"

            "Go to her room and ask her," Sailyn replied, her cheeks blazing.  "And when you do, look at her arms and legs.  She is bruised and scraped from head to toe!"

            Lord Gavor grimaced inwardly.  _Orin's beard, now she'll never stop._

            "And she knew your fellow council members were coming for dinner tonight.  She knew I expected her home right after school so she would have time to make herself presentable.  She knew we were short-staffed today!  Do I ask too much of that child, Gavor?  Is it too much to expect that she behave like a young lady instead of a -- a ruffian?"  Sailyn swept her arm dramatically toward the staircase.  "Speak with her, _Sai'a'thé._ I've talked.  I've begged.  I've pleaded with her until I'm blue in the face.  She doesn't listen to me -- she'd better listen to you."

            With a resigned expression, Gavor climbed the stairs to the sleeping chambers above.  _I should have been a kelp farmer,_ he thought.  The door to his daughter's room was closed, and he rapped on it lightly.  "May I come in?"  A moment passed, and the door opened.

            The little girl's glum expression brightened.  "Papa, you're home!" she cried, throwing her arms around his waist.

            Gavor smoothed her unruly auburn curls.  "How's my baby?  Your mother tells me you haven't been very helpful today." He disengaged her embrace and steered her towards a window seat that looked out over the city.  They sat down, father facing daughter.  "I'm supposed to ask you what you did today, Alianne."

            "We went out to the northern ridge and slid down the rocks, Papa."

            "The northern ridge?  That's three kilometers from the city!  That's much too far for you, Alianne.  And rock sliding?"  He studied the bruises and scratches on her body.  "Well, that explains how you got so banged up.  I don't want you that far away from the dome."

            "Oh, don't worry, Papa!  A whole bunch of us went.  We never go alone...we all know better than that.  And I just had to rock slide, I had to!  All my friends were sliding.  How would it look if I didn't slide, too?"

            Gavor stood and looked down at his daughter.  _Time to be paternally stern.  I guess._ "Alianne, listen to me."  Her large green eyes gazed up at him with all the childish worship she could muster.  "And don't give me that look.  You're nearly thirteen years old and I do think that perhaps it's time you spent a little less time with those boys you run around with.  Your mother needs you here at home, and there are things you need to learn from her."

            "You mean, stupid stuff like how to order the help around?"  Alianne stuck out her tongue.  "Yuck."  The gesture and the single syllable expressed her entire feelings about such 'ladylike' pursuits.

            Gavor frowned.  "It is not, as you say, yuck, _sheisha._ As my daughter, you have a certain position in our society.  There are certain behaviors expected of you.  You know this."

            Alianne knew.  She heard variations on this particular lecture several times weekly.  Still, she felt the need to protest.  "Mother expects me to do silly girl things."

            "Your mother happens to be right," Gavor replied, ruffling his hand through her curls.  _This time, at least._ "Those boys won't be your playmates forever, my dear," he added, not unkindly.  "You must learn how to be a young Lady."

            "But, Papa --"

            "But nothing.  You don't have to give up your friends completely.  But I must insist you start spending more time at home and listening to your mother.  It will make all our lives easier."  _Especially mine._ "Will you do that for me, baby?"

            Alianne hung her head, admitting defeat -- or at least, that was how Gavor interpreted her stance.  "Yes, Papa.  I'll try."

            Lord Gavor bent down and kissed his daughter's forehead.  "That's my girl.  Hurry up and finish dressing.  Our guests will be arriving soon.  Will you help me greet them?"

            The girl's expression brightened considerably.  "Yes, Papa," she replied.  She loved being allowed to stand with her father and welcome important guests to their home.  It made her feel grown up.  That was the fun part of being heir to a noble House.  The rest of it...well, the rest of it was more a burden to her than anything else.

            Gavor turned toward the door of Alianne's room.  Her voice caused him to pause.  "Papa?"

"Yes, baby?"

            "Sometimes I wish you weren't one of the king's advisors and that we weren't a noble House.  Sometimes I wish we were just like everybody else."

            Gavor smiled ruefully.  "So do I, baby.  So do I."

 

            The next morning, Alianne dashed into the dining room where her parents sat eating breakfast.  Grabbing a piece of fruit, she started to bolt for the front door.  Her mother's voice stopped her.  "Where do you think you're going in such a rush, young lady?"

            Alianne slung her school tote over her shoulder with one hand and used the other to stuff a bite of the sweet fruit into her mouth.  "We have a field trip today, Mother.  Botany.  We're being taken out to one of the farms to gather plant samples and then we have to write a report on them.  We're getting paired up with a partner for the report," she added helpfully.

            Sailyn sniffed, a frown on her elegant features:  "I do hope you get paired up with someone suitable."

            "Oh, Mother! For Orin's sake, I go to the most exclusive school in Poseidonis!  You always say that only the best of the best go there -- why should anyone not be suitable?"  Alianne opened the front door.  "Gotta go.  'Bye!"  And then she was gone.

 

***

 

            In another part of Poseidonis, a very different scene was taking place.  To any passer-by, the palace seemed a glistening model of serenity.  The servants who worked behind its towering walls knew a different story entirely.

            This particular morning, the royal household was in turmoil.  Every steward in the private section cast their eyes upward, ears straining to hear the argument raging behind the closed doors of an upstairs bedroom.

            A school tote slammed to the floor.  "No!" a young tenor voice rang out.  "I'm not going to that idiotic school and you can't make me!"

            Mera stood patiently, her hands clasped behind her back.  "Now Garth, be reasonable.  You have to go to school..."

            Garth shook his head, sending a shock of dark curls tumbling over his forehead.  "No, Mera, I have to learn, but I don't have to go to school for that! Why can't I have my tutor back?"

            The young Queen of Poseidonis went to the boy and tried to smooth his hair back in place.  "I thought you disliked the tutor," she commented.

            "I do...I mean, I did," he replied, "but I hate the school more."  Garth gave the hem of his school tunic a savage tug.  "I hate the school and I hate these stupid uniforms!  Please don't make me go, Mera.  Please?"

            Mera heard the change in Garth's voice and sensed deeper meanings behind the pleadings.  She sat on the edge of the bed and patted the space behind her.  Now then, let's try to find out what's really bothering you.  "Garth, come sit by me."  He sat sulkily.  "You know, that gloomy face doesn't suit you at all.  When you started school a few weeks ago, you were so excited about it and now you're not.  Is there something happening at school that I should know about?"

            He looked up at her hesitantly.  "Uh, no...nothing's going on," he said.  "I guess it's just not like what I thought it would be.  And I don't understand why I still have to go if I don't like it.  I could go back to my tutor."

            "Garth, we've been over this before.  Yes, you could receive an education here with a tutor, but Arthur and I feel that you should be with children your own age.  It's important that you get to know them and make some friends.  You spend too much time around adults as it is.  It'll be good for you if you give it a chance."

            "But what if no one wants to give me a chance?"

            "Now, what is that supposed to mean?"

            Suddenly, Garth's words came out in a rush.  "They hate me, Mera!  They look at me -- they look at my eyes and they think I'm some sort of -- of freak, or something!  They talk to me only because Arthur adopted me, and even then, only because of who he is.  Everyone at school knows I was an exile and they treat me like I should still be one!"

            Anger flashed in Mera's deep blue eyes.  _Oh, those horrible, hateful children.  They should be thrashed within an inch of their miserable little lives.  _ Schooling the anger out of her face, she placed a slender arm around the boy's shoulders.  "So that's it," she commented softly.  "No wonder you don't want to go to school." Garth leaned his head against Mera, trying to draw comfort from her.  "Listen to me.  Not having been raised in Poseidonis myself, I can't begin to understand their belief that purple eyes are a mark of inferiority.  It's so silly to me.  Eye color is just eye color! It doesn't mean anything."

            Those same purple eyes were looking up at Mera trustingly.  "Do you really think so?" Garth asked.

            "I really do," she replied.  "But it's more important that you think so.  Don't let superstition affect how you feel about yourself, Garth.  You're a fine young man.  You're brave, smart, and" -- she smiled at him warmly -- "handsome..."

            A blush spread across his cheeks.  "Awww, Mera."  He drew his head back and offered a small, hopeful smile.  "Can I have my tutor back, then?"

            "No.  No tutor."

            Garth's face dropped in dejection.  Mera put her hand under his chin and tilted his face up, forcing him to look at her.  "I want you to pick up your tote and go to school with a smile.  I want you to do your absolute best and prove to those -- those children that you are every bit as good as they are -- if not better! Will you do that for me, Garth?"

            He thought about Mera's request for a long moment.  It seemed so important to her that he at least try to enjoy school.  But it was so hard with the whispers that floated just out of reach of his ears.  And their minds -- that was worse; every so often their condemning thoughts would seep past shielding, both theirs and his and he knew what they were really thinking about him.  But Mera -- he wanted to please her.  Ever since she had become Arthur's queen the year before, she had gone out of her way to become his friend and confidante.  He liked that.  It made him feel as if he almost had a mother again.  She wanted him to try.

            Finally, he nodded slowly.  "I'll do my best, Mera.  I promise."

            "Good.  Now, you'd better go before you're late." Her smile was warm and wonderful.

            Garth picked up his tote.  "Oh, Mera! We're going to one of the farms for botany class and I may be home late.  Don't let Arthur go out on patrol until I get back, okay?"

            Mera shooed the boy toward the door.  "I'll make sure he waits for you."

            Trying not to look too resigned to his fate, Garth left for school.  With his departure, the palace stewards breathed a collective sigh of relief.  Quiet reigned over the palace grounds once again --

            -- for a few hours.

 

***

 

            "Look here, class."  The instructor pointed to one end of the rope of kelp that had been weighted down at both ends so it wouldn't drift away.  The plant was so long that the entire class could stand shoulder to shoulder and still have room for more students.  "The roots are long and strong so the plants will stay stable even when the seas are turbulent."  He continued with his explanation.

            As he talked, the entire class appeared to have their attention focused on what he was saying, but that wasn't quite the case.  *Okay, who's gonna do it?*

            *Not me,* said one boy.  *My father said if I get in trouble again, he's gonna confine me to my room.*

            *You're a jellyfish, Mupo,* the first boy replied, scorn in his thoughts.

            *I don't care, Corin,* Mupo shot back.  *I don't wanna be stuck there for a week.*

            Alianne listened to their bickering, keeping her eyes on Master Bohn all the while.  *You're both jellyfish,* she cut in.  *Here, give it to me.  I'll do it.  'Sides, I'm closer anyway.*  An object was passed behind the boys' backs and into Alianne's hands.  She made sure the instructor's attention was still with the discussion of the root structure of kelp.  A slender girl stood at her right, her dark hair twisted and looped in an elaborate arrangement that was rather out of place with their gray and blue school uniforms.

            Okay, Mirrim's not paying any attention to me.  Good.  The object shifted to Alianne's right hand and slowly -- slowly -- she raised her hand to the back of the other girl's collar.  _Mupo and Carin are such shellheads._ Mirrim's head was lowered, leaving a small gap in the back of her collar.  _Perfect.  It'll slip right in...and...fire one!_ Alianne opened her fingers and the object fell....

            ...With the desiredresult.  Mirrim immediately squealed and started jumping around as if someone were poking at her feet with needles, grabbing the hem of her tunic and shaking it violently.  At the sound of her screeching, the entire class and the instructor's heads snapped up and looked in the girl's direction.

" _Get_ it off me!"  Mirrim was screaming as she jumped around, loosening her elaborate hairstyle in the process.  "Master Bohn!  Help!  Help me!"

            "Hold still," a voice said, sounding strangely assertive.  "Hold still!"

            Mirrim, trying to comply, looked towards the sound of the voice.  _Oh.  Him._

            Garth stood behind the girl, holding the back of her tunic out.  Something fell to the silt.  "Here you go," he said, picking the something up and holding it out to Mirrim.  A small deep sea crab sat quietly in his hand.  What Garth knew that the others did not was that in its own way, the crab was just as frightened as Mirrim had been.

            Seeing the innocent attacker in Garth's palm, the entire class relaxed into nervous giggles.  "It probably crawled up your back and down your tunic and you never noticed, Mirrim," Master Bohn said.  But her eyes weren't on him, they were on Garth.  Or, more accurately, the little crab in his hand.  He was stroking its back with the tip of one finger.

            "Just what do you think you're doing?" she demanded.  He seemed intent on the tiny creature.

            "Trying to calm it down," he replied, still focused on the crab.  "She was afraid you were going to hurt her."

            "Her?" Mirrim squeaked indignantly.  "What about me?"

            "What about you?" Garth asked, never looking up at his classmate.  "You're doing fine."

            "It tried to attack me!" she declared, ignoring the heightened giggling from the class, especially from two boys and a girl to her left.  "What do you know about it, anyway?" By her tone, Mirrim was quite surprised that the purple-eyed boy knew much of anything about anything.

            "I know she's scared out of what little mind she's got," Garth snapped.  The children might not want much to do with him, but the sea creatures had always been kind to him, kinder than the humans would ever know.  They'd watched out for him when his mother disappeared.  They had tried to protect him.  And he'd defend them until he couldn't defend them anymore.  Ignoring Mirrim, he sent waves of telepathic reassurance to the tiny creature in his hand.  Finally, it stopped its agitated wiggling of its pincers and ceased its distressed mental cries.  Garth gently set the crab on the ground and it immediately scuttled away from the humans.

            Mirrim sniffed.  "That's strange, you know," she sneered.  "Talking to the fish."  Several other classmates nodded in agreement.

            Garth's anger flared.  "They're nicer'n some people...than lots of people!" he blurted.  He pivoted and swam away from the class, fleeing behind one of the farm's storage buildings.  Mixed feelings flooded through him.  He hated feeling different from the other children, but he couldn't not do what he'd done.  The crab had been terrified and he had the ability to calm it.  But at the same time, he wished he was just like everyone else.  Blue eyes, brown eyes, or green -- any one of them would do -- and not to be able to hear the world around him in his mind.  At that moment, as he sat alone, fighting angry tears, that was all that he wanted.

            "Garth?"

            He looked up into a pair of wide green eyes.  A sturdily-built girl stood before him, her hands behind her back.  "I'm sorry," she said.

            "For what?" he asked, trying to recall the girl's name.  Alisann?  No, that wasn't it...Alianne.  That sounded right.  He tried it out to make sure.  "Why are you apologizing to me, Alianne?"

            The corner of her mouth quirked.  "Don't tell Master Bohn, but I dropped the crab down Mirrim's back."  Well, she didn't correct him on her name.  He must've been right.  "I didn't know it would upset the crab.  If I'd known, I'd never've done it."  Then she grinned.  "Just so's you know, I'm not sorry about Mirrim, though."

            "Oh."  Garth had no idea what to say to this girl.  For the first time, someone from class was actually talking to him as if they expected a reply.  No, that wasn't quite it.  She was talking to him as if she believed he were capable of replying intelligently.

            "Next time, I'll use something that's not alive," she amended, still smiling.  "Don't tell on me, okay?"

            Garth's head spun.  Why was this girl being nice to him?  Treating him like an...an equal, for Orin's sake!  No, she must want something.  Or she was going to do something to him, and if not now, then later.  She had a reputation for sticking with the boys and getting in trouble.  He didn't want to be the target of one of their practical jokes.  He shut down the little spark of hope that had burst in his chest.  "I won't tell on you," he said as coldly as he could manage.  "Just go back to class and leave me alone."

            Confusion flashed in her eyes.  Then, Alianne shrugged.  "Have it your way," she said before returning to the other students.

            Alone again, Garth sat, sadness setting over him like silt.  He drew his knees tight to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to make himself as small as possible.  _I want to fit in, but I don't know how.  They won't talk to me.  They're not nice at all.  Mera, I'm really trying, but it's not working at all.  I just don't know how to make them like me.  You said_ _if_ _I tried, then school wouldn't be so bad.  But it is.  It's awful._

_It's awful._

 

            Bohn watched Garth flee the group, heading for a storage building.  For a moment, he considered going after him in an attempt to console him.  Then Alianne took off in pursuit and Bohn decided to leave things as they were.  It was better if the children could work these things out for themselves with as little adult interference as possible.  Gavor's girl certainly was different from the other girls and they never ignored an opportunity to tell her so, but she seemed not to care.  _Not care?  Gods, she's proud that she's not like them,_ he thought.  _What a little nonconformist.  I'll just bet she gives her parents headaches on a regular basis, but maybe...well, we'll see how right I am about things when_ _we_ _get back to school._

            He was almost disappointed when Alianne returned to the group alone.  _Maybe.  Maybe not.  We'll just have to wait and see._

 

***

 

            By day's end, Bohn was just a little more than frazzled as he herded the class back to school in one piece, plant specimens intact.  As they returned to their seats, he moved to the front of the room and managed to get their attention.

            Waving a small plastic wafer in his hand, he said, "All right, people.  Here's the moment I know you've all been waiting for."  He crossed to a wall terminal, inserted the wafer and activated the unit's screen.  "As you leave for the day, check the list for your assigned partner."  The class let out a collective groan, and the teacher tapped the screen for emphasis, bathing his hand in a faint green glow.  "Now, people.  You come up, get your pairing." He studied the sea of glum faces.  "Your assignment is to take your plant samples home, meet with your partner tonight, and study your notes from our trip -- and I hope we all kept notes.  I want a brief outline on your observations on leaf structure on my desk tomorrow morning.  Any questions?"

            One hand shot up.  "Yes, Maia?"

            "Master, what if we don't like our partner?"

            "Grit your teeth and suffer."  Bohn folded his arms across his chest.  "I'll only say this once.  I'm not changing any partner assignments, so don't bother asking."  The class groaned again.  "Any other questions?  No?  Good.  Find your partner, go home, and get to work.  You're dismissed.  Enjoy your day."

            The children rushed toward the viewscreen.  The teacher hung back, observing the reactions as they found their partners.  Some were pleased, others were not.  With particular interest, he saw one girl approach Alianne, who was still at her desk packing her tote.

            Alianne became aware of someone standing next to her.  She looked up, wrinkling her nose in distaste.  "Ryssa, what do you want?"  Of all the girls in class, she disliked Ryssa, with her simpering ways, the most.  _Stuck up snob._

            "Have you seen your assignment yet, Ali?" Ryssa cooed.

            "No.  Not yet.  Why?"

            Ryssa patted one of the braids coiled neatly around her head.  "Oh, no reason," she giggled.  "But don't worry about it.  I'm sure you'll end up having to write your report yourself."

            "What's that supposed to mean?"  Alianne noticed two other girls standing behind Ryssa.  Mirrim was one of them, no longer looking quite so ridiculous now that her hair had been pulled back at the nape of her neck after the incident with the crab.  The trio giggled in unison.

            "You'll see," Ryssa said, snickering.  "You'll see."

            The girls departed, giving Alianne a backwards glance and laughing even louder.

            Confused, she glanced over to the computer terminal, still displaying the names of the partners.  _That's funny.  I could've sworn someone was standing there.  But now..._ Except for Master Bohn, she was the only one in the room.

            "Your partner just left, Alianne.  You should catch up with him."

            She stopped by the screen, searched the list and saw the name displayed next to hers.  "Master, why didn't he wait for me?  We're supposed to work together."

            "Why don't you ask him?" Alianne turned to comply with his request.  "Alianne, wait." She stopped and turned around.  "Before you go, I just wanted to tell you...don't believe everything you hear.  Especially when it comes to legends.  Do you understand?"

            "Yes, sir," Alianne replied, not understanding at all.

            Alianne left the room and hurried to catch up with the retreating form of her partner.  "Hey...hey!" she called out.  "Wait up, will you?"  The boy stopped and waited.  She skidded to a stop beside him.  "Hey, Garth, didn't you check the screen?"

            "Uh-huh."

            "Don't you know that you and I are supposed to work together?"

            "Uh-huh." _I'm not stupid._

            Alianne placed her hands on her hips.  "Can't you say anything else besides uh-huh?"

            "Uh-huh," Garth repeated, this time with the faintest hint of a smile.

            Alianne looked at Garth; noticed his eyes.  Suddenly, she understood what her instructor was trying to tell her.  _This is what the fuss is all about? This is the big deal?_ "So, when do you want to work on this?"

            He shrugged.  "I dunno.  After dinner, I guess.  I've got stuff to do now." He resumed his hurried pace.

            "But we've got to turn something in tomorrow," she protested, matching him stride for stride.  "Waiting 'till after dinner won't give us enough time!"  She glared at him.  "What's so important that you can't work on this now?"

            Garth's earlier anger flared again.  "Do it yourself if you can't wait!" he snapped.  "You don't really want me as your partner anyhow!"  He drew himself up in the attempt to appear taller.  It didn't quite work, though.  They were still almost the same height.  "Besides, I can't do this now because I have to go on patrol."

            "Really?" He nodded.  "With _Avigaal_?" [1] He nodded again.  "Wow," she breathed, "that must be so exciting! You're soooo lucky!"

            Garth looked at the girl and was surprised to see admiration shining in her green eyes.  He felt a flush spread across his face.  This was not the reaction he expected.  Not even close.

 _She's really trying to be nice to me._ "You really think so?"

            Alianne nodded animatedly, her long, curly ponytail bobbing behind her.  "Oh, yeah!" she enthused.  "My father says you've been all over -- the outer seas, even to the surface! I mean, Papa got mad 'cause I was only three kliks from the dome yesterday, but you...I wish I could see some of the places you've seen!"  Her smile was open and bright...and genuine.

            Garth grinned back at her.  "Yeah...well, it is kinda exciting, sometimes." He paused.  "Alianne...you really want me to work on this project with you?"

            "Yeah.  Why not?  It's not like you're stupid, or something.  You don't have a problem with me, do you? It's too bad if you do.  You heard what Master Bohn said about changing partners."

            "No!  I don't have a problem with that.  I just thought that maybe you --"

            The hands flew to her hips again.  "Maybe I what?"

            "Oh, nothing.  Nothing at all."  His grin grew into a full-blown smile.

            "Good," Alianne said.  "I thought maybe you were still mad at me about the crab."

            "Nah.  I think I made her understand that you weren't trying to hurt her."

            "You think? You don't know for sure?"

            "I dunno," Garth shrugged.  "Crabs aren't very smart that way."  Alianne watched him with an open, eager expression, like she was actually...interested in what he had to say.  "Y'know, I still can't work on this until I return from patrol, though."

            "Well," she grinned, "we'll just have to work fast.  You wanna come over to my house after dinner?"

            "Ummmm...why don't you come over to mine?"

            Alianne's eyes widened.  "To the palace?"  He nodded in reply.  "Wow, I've never been to the palace! Papa's there all the time, but he's always said that I was too young to tag along.  This is gonna be great!  Sure, okay -- I'd love to!  Call me when you're ready and I'll come over."

            "Okay."

            "Look, Garth.  I gotta go.  I'll get the rest of my homework done so I won't have to worry 'bout it later." Launching herself upward, she began to slowly swim away from Garth.  "Don't forget...call me!"

            Garth started swimming in the opposite direction.  "Alianne!" he called suddenly, pausing to turn toward her.  She stopped, her body bobbing leisurely in the water.  "What's your home comm code?"

            "The King knows it.  Ask him for Lord Gavor's code..."

            Garth recognized the name.  "You're Lord Gavor's daughter?"  So, that was why she commented that her father was often at the palace.  On the few occasions when Arthur allowed him to sit in on a Council meeting, he'd heard Gavor relate the latest escapades of his young daughter.  He'd never heard her referred to by name before, so he'd never made the connection with the hellion Gavor despaired of and the rambunctious girl before him now.

            She grinned.  "The one and only!"  She tossed a merry wave at him.  "See ya' later.  Bye!"

            Garth began his own swim home.  He hadn't gotten far when he was aware of someone coming up alongside him.  It was Alianne.

            "One other thing," she said with a smile.  "It's Ali.  You call me Alianne again and I'm gonna have to hurt you.  Don't forget, okay?"

            He couldn't help but smile.  _You couldn't hurt me_ _if_ _you tried, but_ _if_ _it makes you happy to think so...._ "Okay."

            Alianne flipped over backwards and darted off back the way she had started to go, leaving Garth to resume his short swim to the palace.  _Well, whaddya know.  I guess Mera was right after all._ He found himself thinking about the red-haired girl.  She was...interesting...outspoken, mischievous, definitely not shy by any means...as completely opposite from him as a person could be.

            He decided right then and there that he liked that.

_Maybe school won't be so bad after all._

 

******

 

**Chapter Three - Darkness on the Edge**

 

_"And you still have a rage inside you...in the only part of a broken heart that you could ever save...."_

          — B. Joel/C. Lauper

 

            Three kilometers from the domed city of Poseidonis, the northern ridge rises from the ocean floor, its height dwarfing countless generations of children who slid down its steep slopes.  Singly and in pairs, they would lie on thin sheets of plastic and launch themselves over the edge.  The ride was wild and bumpy, and despite admonitions from their parents (who were once young once but now thought they knew better), the children would ride and slide and return home scraped, bruised, breathless and thrilled with the experience.

            It was here that Garth and Alianne stood, plastic sliders in hand.  Tall and broad, the young man peered over the edge of the ridge.  _Why does it seem steeper_ _than I remember?_ He turned to his companion.  "Are you sure you want to do this, Ali?  This is a game for kids."  _And gods know we're not kids anymore,_ he added privately.

            Alianne's laugh rang out over the ridge.  "What's the matter?  Afraid to regress a bit?"  She pushed her long hair back from her face.  "Oh, c'mon, Garth, it'll be fun!"  She set her slider on the slope's edge and sat down on it, tucking her legs beneath her.  "We used to do this all the time."

            "Don't remind me."  Garth sat on his slider next to her.  He had a harder time getting situated than Alianne did; the last time they had gone sliding, she had been close to her adult height.  He, on the other hand, had grown considerably over the years and had to hunch his body in order to fit on the slider.  "We also used to be shorter.  I look ridiculous," he complained, "and I feel a little...uh, silly."

            She grinned over at him.  "So?  Be silly.  There's nothing wrong with being silly sometimes."  She laughed again at the expression he wore.  "At least there's no little kids around to see us make fools of ourselves."

            "Thank the gods for small favors," Garth said dryly.

            Alianne gave him a playful whack on the arm.  "Let's race!"

            "I'll win.  In case you haven't noticed, I'm bigger than you."

            "Then, I get a head start!"  Without warning, Alianne pushed herself over the edge of the slope and let out a whoop as she began her slide.

            Garth shrugged and launched his powerful body down the steep ridge.  As he picked up speed, he got caught up in the excitement of the wild ride.  His greater mass allowed him to quickly pass the streaking form of his friend and he passed her, laughing.

            As he sped by, Alianne bent forward to cut down on her body's resistance through the water.  Although the tight tuck allowed for some additional speed, it wasn't enough to catch up.  _Oh, well.  You knew you were going to lose,_ she thought, her body rattling with every bump and turn.

            Their two speeding forms hit the bottom lip of the ridge, sailing through the water before bumping to a stop on the soft, sandy ocean floor.  Alianne flopped back on the sand, flushed and breathless.  "That was great," she laughed.

            Garth lowered his lithe frame to sit beside her.  "I'd forgotten how much fun that is," he told her.

            "Still feeling silly?"

            "Yeah, but I can live with it."  He leaned back on his muscular arms.  "I'm glad you talked me into this."

            Alianne studied him.  His posture was relaxed and his smile was broad and genuine.  _I wonder how long it's been since you've been this loose?_ She mentally answered her own question.  _Too long.  I'll bet._

            How easy it had seemed.  Recent years had seen Garth and Alianne follow separate paths ~~in recent years~~ ; they had still been close emotionally, but the demands made by growing up -- schooling, love, other interests -- had produced some physical distance between the two friends.  But the bonds of the friendship rooted deeply in childhood had never been broken.  Garth had been away for nearly a year, and Alianne had feared that the chasm created by time and distance could never be crossed.  To her delight, they had managed to easily rediscover ~~ed~~ common ground and the years fell away, leaving loneliness behind and she had her buddy back.  And because neither of them truly had anyone else, they fell into old, familiar patterns and became inseparable.

            As the weeks passed, Alianne became aware of small changes in Garth's manner.  The lines in his face that had made him look older and wearier than his twenty years softened and his posture became less tense.  He no longer looked as if he were ready to attack on the slightest provocation.  Despite this, she knew him well enough to know that all was not well.  There was a haunted sort of look in his violet eyes.  It went unnoticed by most everyone else, but Alianne saw it and wanted desperately to take it away.  _Talk to me,_ she'd wish to herself.  _I know you're still hurting...still grieving.  Maybe if you'd let your sorrow out, you could let her go.  You keep telling me you want to get on with your life, but you can't unless you stop thinking about the past...about the pain._ The next thought came unbidden into her mind.

_And wouldn't it be great if I could listen to my own advice...._

            Now they sat in silence.  Alianne lay on the ocean floor, her deep red hair fanning out beneath her in the grass.  Her eyes were closed, the long dark lashes brushing against her cheeks.  She folded her hands behind her head.

            Garth reclined next to her and gazed into the murky waters above.  "You're awfully quiet all of a sudden," he commented.  "What're you thinking about?"

            She blinked.  "Oh, nothing much," she lied.  She sat up and drew her knees to her chest.  "I was just...wondering...about something...."

            "Go on," he prompted.

            "You really want to know?"

            Garth nodded. 

            Alianne swallowed hard.  "I was thinking about...how we talk, but we don't talk."

            Garth's dark brows knit together.  "We talk.  Gods, I've said more things to you than I've said to anyone in a long time."

            "But that's just it.  It's just...things." Alianne paused, groping for the right words.  "It's like, oh, 'how are you, fine, good, let's go do something.'  I don't have a clue as to what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and you're always shielding so damn tight that there's no way for me to even try to figure it out!"  She looked into his eyes and gestured helplessly.  "There's so much I want to say to you, but I don't know if you're ready to listen -- or if you even care to.  And you know what, Garth?  That really scares me.  I used to be able to tell you anything and everything...now, I wonder if I even know you anymore..."

            Puzzlement flashed across his features.  "Ali, you can still tell me anything.  You're my 'bestest buddy', remember? What's bothering you?"

            Alianne exhaled sharply.  "Okay....Why can't we talk about what hurts us?"

            "Meaning...?"

            "Meaning...oh, gods.  Meaning, I want...no, I need to talk about Loren and what he did to me.  I need to talk about Tula.  I need to scream.  I need to really cry.  Damn it, _I_ _need to do something!_ "

            Garth immediately tensed when he heard Tula's name.  "And just what do you _need_ to say?" he demanded harshly.

            "Garth, I loved Loren.  And...he hurt me, more than I ever thought possible.  More than anyone could possibly know.  He took...." Alianne broke off the statement.  The words wouldn't come.  "I loved Tula.  She helped me when everyone else thought I was beyond help.  She helped me when I was hurting.  Why can't I do that for you?"

            "Why would you possibly think you can?" Garth demanded.  "Who do you think you are?  My psychiatrist?"

            "Of course not.  I'm your friend!" Alianne replied, shuddering.  His voice had never sounded so cold before.

            Garth shot to his feet.  "Being my friend doesn't mean you understand!"

            "Understand what, Garth?  Understand what it feels like to be alone? Understand the loneliness?  The pain?  The grief?  Understand being together and having that ripped away?"  Then she, too, was standing to face him.  "Understand what it feels like when someone you love isn't there anymore?  Just what part don't you think I understand?!" she shouted, angry and hurt.

            "You think that because Loren hurt you and left you that you understand how I feel!" Garth raged.  "Well, you don't!  You can't!  It's not the same!  Loren dumped you by forcing you to dissolve your bond with him.  Tula died.  At least Loren's alive -- somewhere.  Maybe you'd like it better if he were dead, too.  _Then_ you could understand!"

            Hot, angry tears filled her eyes.  "That's the cruelest thing I've ever heard you say."  She began to cry, her whole body stinging from his harsh words.  "I can't believe you said that!"

            He turned his back on her.  "What's wrong?" he spat.  "Can't handle the truth, little girl?"

            "You...you bastard!"

            The curse froze Garth in his tracks.  Alianne's harsh, ragged sobs finally penetrated his consciousness.  _Dear gods, what am I saying?_ He placed a hand on her arm.  "Ali, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it like that.  I didn't mean any of it.  I'm sorry," he implored.  At his touch, she pulled her arm away savagely.  "Please, you've got to believe me.  I'm really sorry."  He reached for her again.

            "Don't you dare touch me!"  Alianne turned and retreated from him.

            "Ali, wait!" he begged.  "Please, you've got to listen to me!"

            "Why?  I think you've said quite enough."  She never stopped.

            Garth swam to her, grabbed her shoulders and spun her around.  "Listen to me!  I'm sorry.  I know you're just trying to help.  Maybe...maybe I said those things to hurt you."

            "Why, Garth?  Why would you want to hurt me?" she asked in a small voice.

            "I don't know.  I guess it...hurt too much...to hear what you were saying and I guess I wanted to give some of that back to you.  You're absolutely right.  It was cruel.

            "Of all the people in the world, you're the last one I'd want to hurt.  I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me."  He hesitated for a moment and closed his eyes against the tears.  "It's just so...so hard.  Sometimes, when I go to sleep, Tula comes to me in my dreams, and it's always good.  She's so real, so warm.  I can almost touch her.  And I try -- oh, gods, how I try.  I reach out to hold her, to tell her how much I love her.  And as soon as I do, she's gone and I'm alone in the dark.

            "And you know what the worst part is?  She never knew how much I loved her.  _And_ _I_ _couldn't save her to tell her so._ "He sat down heavily, sobbing openly.

            Alianne knelt in front of him and drew him into her arms.  She held him tightly.  "Shhh," she soothed.  "That's it.  Let it out.  You don't need to hold it inside anymore.  Shhh...."

            He buried his face in her shoulder.  "I wish I could have her back for just one day so she would know how much I love her."

            "Oh, Garth," she said softly, tears beginning anew.  "Don't you think for a moment that Tula never knew.  Believe me, she knew...oh, how she knew."

            "But...I never told her.  Not really.  Not in words."

            "She didn't need words to know how you felt.  It's not the sort of thing you needed to say to have it be known.  When the two of you were together, it was so obvious.  She and I used to talk about it a lot." Alianne continued to hold Garth as his sobs shook her body.  "You know that she loved you, don't you?" She felt his barely perceptible nod against her shoulder.  "Well, she knew you loved her just as much...and I don't think she'd want to see you so sad after all this time.  I think that she'd want you to think about the happiness and how much joy you brought her while she lived."

            "But how do I do that?"  Garth's words were choked, muffled.  "Ali, help me...I don't want to feel this way anymore!"

            She stroked his hair gently, soothing him.  "I know.  Believe me, I know.  I miss her, too."  _And I know what it's like to hurt so badly that you want to die._ "Just go ahead and cry.  Let it out and let it go."

            "I've been so alone," Garth whispered.

            "No.  You're not alone.  You may have been lonely, but you've never been alone." Alianne drew her arms tighter around him, rocking him in her arms.

            Their tears mingled together, becoming one with the seas that surrounded the mountain ridge where they had played as the children they had once been.  And in the place that still seemed to echo with childish laughter, the adults that they had become huddled together in grief and sorrow.

 

            And the healing began.

 

******

 

**Chapter Four - Dreamtime**

 

_"... in spite of your rules, you've got a memory..."_

          — B. Joel/C. Lauper

 

_Dark.  It's still dark._

            Garth's deep violet eyes blinked heavily with sleep.  Groaning, he rolled onto his side and glanced at the bedside timepiece.  _Well, at least it's not the middle of the night...like it usually is._ He disengaged his legs from the linens tangled around them and sat upright in his bed, running his fingers through rumpled dark curls.  _That was so real...so vivid,_ he thought.  _But...not so bad.  Not like usual._

            The dream began just as it had on so many previous nights.  He would be swimming free out in the open seas, far from the sensation of enclosure he often felt within the Poseidonian dome.  As the ocean currents caressed his face, he would sense that he was not alone.  He would turn, and his heart would rejoice, for Tula was at his side.  Her short brown hair would swirl around her face and her clear blue eyes would sparkle as laughter escaped from her lips.  _Come, catch me_ _if_ _you can, my love,_ she would challenge, gracefully cutting through the waters.

            Garth could feel the laughter rise in his throat and the chase would be on.  Their lithe figures dashed and darted about, and her laughter echoed in his mind.  He could have easily overtaken her, but he would hang back, making it at least appear to be a chase.  Then as always, the yearning would begin and his mind would reach out to hers.  *The chase is over,* he told her.  *You are mine.*

            *Forever?* she would ask.

            *Forever,* he affirmed.  And as always, he would reach for her to draw her into his embrace.  He could almost touch her; feel the softness of her skin, taste the sweetness of her waiting mouth....  And as always, she would dissolve within his embrace, drifting away in the current...and Garth would scream in solitude.

            Tonight was different.  Tonight, Tula stayed, wrapping her arms around his neck.  He drew her into his kiss, murmuring her name over and over as he devoured her.  She returned his kisses eagerly and they floated together, bodies and thoughts entwined.

            Once more, her voice sang in his mind.  *Garth, I will always love you.  You're the best part of me.*

            *Oh, gods, Tula.  I love you.  I --*

            *Don't grieve for me anymore, my love.*  And it was then that her body began to lose substance.

            *No!* he cried.  *Don't leave me!  Don't leave me alone!*  He tried to hold on to her, but she spread herself out over the waters, until only he remained - alone and adrift.

            He screamed out her name in a plaintive wail.  *Come back! I need you! I love you!*

            *I know.  I always have known and I always will know.  Be at peace with yourself and remember me as I lived.  No more sorrow, my precious, precious love.* Her voice began to grow distant in his mind.  *I can't stay.  I must go now.*

            Garth searched for Tula frantically.  *Where are you? I can't see you! Tell me where you are!*

            *Don't you know? I'm in a comer of your heart.  I will always be there.  I will always live within you as long as you think well of me.  But love, you're not as alone as you think, and it's no longer my place to fill your heart.  Good-bye, my love.*

            And then Garth was alone.  Alone...and awake.

            As he sat in his bed, he pondered this different ending to his recurring dream and realized that he no longer felt the profound sadness that had been the only constant in his life for well over a year.  _I told her!  I told her I loved her...and she knew!  Ali, you were right.  Tula knew -- she knew all along!_

            Lightrise had not yet come to Poseidonis, but Garth found sleep would no longer come.  He swung his heavily muscled legs over the side of the bed, reached for his robe and drew it tightly around himself.

            For the first time in more months than he cared to count, he felt a sense of peace flooding though him.  He allowed his mind to draw images of Tula, and the sadness did not come.  There was a wistfulness there, one for things that might have been, but the deep ache no longer gripped his soul.

            _Remember me as I lived._ Wasn't that what Tula had said to him?  _I'll try, Tula.  I'll try_ _to remember the happiness...remembering you as you died was wrong.  It dishonors everything you lived for.  I'll try_ _never to make that mistake again....And I'll_ _try_ _not to lash out at my friends for trying to help me, either...._

_....or, at least to remember to say I'm sorry to them when I do._

            A decision made, Garth dressed quickly, exchanging the robe and sleep pants for a tunic, leggings and soft boots.  He left his apartment on the palace grounds and headed toward one of the residential areas of the city.  The streets were dim and quiet at this early hour.  Moments later, he arrived at his destination, activated the door chime and waited.

            A small smile spread across his face when the door opened.  The young woman standing there looked just as he expected.  Her slender frame was wrapped in a long, full robe and her hair was tousled around her face.  She rubbed her eyes sleepily and yawned.  "Garth?  Do you know what time it is?"

            He nodded, the smile growing a bit.

            Alianne looked at him, confused and uncertain.  "Is there something wrong?"

            "No," he replied, leaning casually against the threshold of her house.  "Actually, everything's kind of right May I come in?  I really need to talk to you."

            "At this hour?  It's terribly early...or late, depending on your point of view."

            "I know, but it's important, Ali.  I wouldn't have disturbed you if it weren't."

            "Come on in," Alianne sighed, standing aside and allowing him to enter.  As she saw his smile, she could only wonder what had happened to him since their confrontation on the northern ridge.  He looked...almost...happy!  And she had been nothing short of miserable, herself.  She understood why he had said those things about Loren; there was so much that no one knew, not even Garth.  _Especially not Garth._ He never would have thrown that in her face if he had known, so Alianne understood the whys and found that his pain made it easy to forgive his words...but the words brought back memories...and the memories brought back terrors of her own.  Ones that she thought had been dealt with and put aside years ago.

            But they weren't quite done with her yet.  And she couldn't deny that Garth's words had stung her heart, either.  As a result, Alianne had made it a point of studiously avoiding him for several seemingly endless days until she could find her sense of internal balance again.  Now he was here, and wanting to talk...and at an hour when no sane person was awake.

            "This had better be good," she warned gently, closing the door behind her.

            "It is," he told her.  "Believe me, it is."

 

******

 

**Chapter Five - Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude (an interlude)**

 

_"When a girl changes from bobby socks to stockings, she's old enough to give her heart away."_

          — unknown

 

            Alianne stood before a full length mirror in her bedroom.  An entire closetful of clothing lay scattered at her feet.  Slipping into yet another dress, her pout turned into a full-blown frown.  She grabbed the fabric roughly, tugging, twisting and turning.  Then she inhaled sharply, holding her breath.  _There.  That's better.  That looks_ \-- _oops!_ Her breath came out in a rush.  Well, that won't work.  _I_ _certainly can't hold my breath all day!_ The frustration that had been building for the past hour or so exploded.

            "Mother!  Mo-therrrrr!"

            Lady Sailyn burst through the door, a bundle in her arms.  "What is it now, Alianne?"

            The girl turned distressed green eyes toward her mother.  "Do something!" she wailed.  "Nothing fits anymore!"  She turned back to face the mirror and gave a final tug to the bodice of her outfit.  The fasteners down the front pulled and gaped across her chest,

            The older woman smiled.  "Dear child, there's nothing to do except buy you new clothes.  You're growing, lovey.  You're becoming a woman."

            _I don't want to become a woman.  Well,_ _if_ _I could be one like the Queen, that might be all right, but I don't want to be like you._

Sailyn laid the bundle on her daughter's bed.  "Look here:  New school uniforms and some other things to tide you over until we can go shopping after school."

            Alianne's expression turned to dismay.  "Today, Mother?  I can't go today! I have to study for a history test tomorrow!"

            "Study after dinner," Sailyn replied.

            "But I promised Garth I'd --"

            "That boy again!" Sailyn snapped.  "Honestly, Alianne! All you do is run around with that boy.  Now, you listen to me, young lady.  Your father may think it advantageous for you to associate with him.  I'll concede his point, to an extent.  But this has gone on much too far!  You should hear the talk amongst my friends.  They say you're being dragged down by that boy!"

            Alianne's eyes blazed.  "I know how your stupid friends talk, and that boy has a name, Mother!" she seethed.

            "Hold your tongue until I'm finished!" Sailyn snapped again.  "We have our standing in the community to consider.  It doesn't help if you continue to associate with him.  He's obviously not suitable for you!"

            Alianne glared hotly at her mother.  "You've got to be kidding.  Garth's my best friend in all the world.  The way you're talking, you'd think I was being fitted for my _Sai'a'thash_ robes or something!"

            Sailyn shuddered.  The very thought of her daughter being bound for life to that boy made her queasy.  "He isn't good enough for you.  All Poseidonis knows it, and probably Tritonis, too.  If the king hadn't adopted him, he'd be exiled again so quickly, your head would spin."

            "How can you say that?  You haven't even taken the time to get to know him!  You never have! I hate you for saying such terrible things about him!"

            Sailyn looked at her daughter and decided to change tactics.  "Now, lovey, maybe I am being a little -- strict -- but really, you should have other friends, too.  What about the girls in your class?  You had a few of them over the other night.  Wasn't that fun?"

            "Well...I guess so," Alianne grudgingly admitted.  "Some of 'em are okay."  She sat on the edge of her bed and her mother joined her.

            "Alianne, I know it isn't easy being fourteen.  I was fourteen once, myself."  Sailyn almost chuckled at the disbelieving look she got.  "Really, I was.  Everything is changing -- your body, your interests - it's such a confusing time, but I do believe you're bearing up well.  Why, you don't run around like a wild child anymore.  Your father and I actually see you around the house from time to time and we appreciate that."  She smiled gently at her daughter.  "How about this: I'll take you shopping this afternoon and you can study for your test after dinner."

            Alianne glanced sideways at her mother.  "I'm studying with Garth," she declared in a challenging tone.

            "Yes, of course," Sailyn replied through gritted teeth.  Oh, that boy....

            "And I get to stay out an extra hour," Alianne pronounced.

            "Oh, I don't know about that --"

            "No hour, no shopping," Alianne said, folding her arms across her budding chest.

            "No shopping, no new clothes," Sailyn retorted.  "And you need new clothes."

            "Order them."

            "Not without you there to try them on."

            "I don't care, Mother.  I'll go to school naked." Alianne's voice then took on a quality that combined innocence and sing-song rote lesson recitation.  "Why, did you know that hundreds and hundreds of years ago, it was the norm for Poseidonians to wear practically nothing?  Maybe some jewelry?  Just think, Mother, I could start a whole new fashion trend."  Her green eyes shone wickedly.

            Sailyn sighed.  _And she'd do it, too.  Just to spite me._ "All right," she capitulated.  "One hour -- but not a minute later."  She waggled a finger at her daughter in warning.

            Alianne smiled in triumph.  The sturdy teenager had had her first real lesson in the fine art of compromise -- and she had won.

 

***

 

            The teacher clapped her hands, and young eyes turned to face the front of the classroom.  "Each of you have your geometry problems to do.  When you're finished, you may use the remaining time to study.  Are there any questions? No? You may begin."

            As one, the students bent over their desks and set to work.  Alianne glanced at her problems with distaste.  I hate geometry.

            An equally feminine voice spoke in her head.  *So do I.*

            Alianne glanced furtively at her deskmate and grinned knowingly.  *We're not supposed to 'talk' while we're working,* she admonished gently.

            *So? What can happen?  We'll get in trouble--*

            *-- and we're always in trouble!* Alianne concluded with a mental shrug.  Being in trouble in class wasn't exactly a new concept for the two girls.

            Her deskmate tossed a waist-length braid over her shoulder and Alianne grinned again.  Many of the girls in her class were shallow; preoccupied with their looks and giggling over boys -- and not necessarily in that order -- but she liked this one.  She had a mischievous streak a kilometer wide and the biggest blue eyes Alianne had ever seen.  Bright, adventurous, and just emerging from a gawky pre-adolescent stage herself, she and Alianne discovered kindred spirits in each other and became good friends.  Alianne's mother, who had begun to wonder if her daughter was actually a boy in disguise, was much relieved.

            The teacher saw that the two girls were doing everything but their work.  She cleared her throat.  "Excuse me.  Alianne, Tula."  They looked up guiltily, just as the teacher knew they would.  It was a look they had mastered, but guilt over situations like this was an emotion she knew the girls didn't feel.  "Ladies, perhaps you'd like to let us all in on what you find so amusing?"  _I should keep them on opposite sides of the room -- no, it wouldn't help, and I'd have my attention split between them,_ she added privately.

            Somehow, Tula managed to make her eyes appear bigger and bluer than they actually were.  Alianne looked on, impressed as always.  _How does she do that? I'd give a year's allowance to know..._

            "Uhhhh, no, Mistress," Tula said, managing to look contrite.

            "I didn't think so.  Get back to your work, girls." Once again, they hunched over their geometry.

            Tula chewed absently on the end of her stylus.  *Hey, Ali.*

            *Hey what?*

            *Can I tell you something?*

            *Sure.*  Alianne glanced up from her work.

            *No, don't.  We'll get caught again.*

            *Oh.  Yeah.  Right.  So, what do you want to tell me?*

            *Promise you won't laugh?*

            *Promise.*

            *Well...I like someone.*

            *You're kidding! Really? Who?*

            *You'll laugh.  You'll think I'm stupid.*

            *Oh, Tula.  I will not.  C'mon, tell me.  Who is it?*

            *Look to your left.*  Alianne swung her head.

            *For Orin's sake, Ali! Don't be so obvious!*

            *You're wasting your time.*

            *How come?*

            *'Cause he thinks girls are stupid.*

            *He doesn't think you're stupid, Ali.*

            *We're just friends.  'Sides, I'm different.  I don't act like them.*

            *Neither do I, * Tula pointed out.  *You gotta help me.*

            *Help you?  How?*

            *Look at the other girls, then look at me.*

            *Yeah, so?*

            *They're all so...pretty.*

            *You're not ugly, you know.  And you're much smarter than they are.  Shellheads.*

            *Maybe...but look at their faces.  Look at their hair.  I've still got these stupid braids.  I still look like a little kid! If he doesn't notice them, what chance have I got? You know him better than anyone else.  You gotta help me to get him to notice me!*

            *But I don't know much about boys and stuff like that.  You should ask Ryssa.  Now, she knows all about --*

            *No! Not Ryssa -- you!  You don't need to know all that stuff.  You know him.  You know what he likes and what he doesn't like.*

            *Well...okay.  But why don't you just go out and change your hair and whatever?*

            *'Cause my brother Morrel's a jerk.  Ever since _Imi_ and _Avi_ [2] died four years ago, 'Rel's been so involved in his studies and taking care of me that I swear he thinks I'm still ten.  To him, I'm still a little kid.*

            *Oh.*  Alianne felt a pang in her heart for her friend.  As annoying as her own mother was, she couldn't imagine life without her...or without her beloved father.  Tula had neither anymore.  Just an older brother who, at twenty-two, was too preoccupied with his advanced studies at the Ministry of Science's university to devote much time to a growing adolescent female.  She decided to change the subject.  *I'll do it...but only if I can ask you one question.*

            *Okay.  Go 'head.*

            *Why him?*

            Tula smiled.  *I don't know.  I just think he's wonderful.  'Sides, even you have to admit that he's absolutely adorable!*

            Alianne snorted softly.  *Orin's beard, Tula.  You're starting to sound like every other girl in class.*

            *Yeah, but there's one big difference between me an' them.  I'm gonna get him -- and you're gonna help me do it!*

            An idea popped into Alianne's head.  *Okay.  Listen, I know what we're gonna do.  Tell Morrel you're coming over to my house after school today.  Mother's taking me clothes shopping and I know she'll help us.*

            *That's great!*

            *Just don't get your hopes up too high, Tula.  Garth's just not interested in girls yet.  Not like you want him to be.*

            *Well, I'll never know until I try.*

            *Okay, but it's your funeral.*

 

***

 

            "First of all, I'd like to do something with my hair.  These braids are stupid."

            Sailyn studied Tula.  _Such a pretty girl,_ she thought as she picked up one of the girl's long braids.  _Help her look more her age and less like a little girl? Absolutely, my dears._ In a voice that hid the sheer glee of her thoughts, she added, "Of course you're right, dear.  'The braids have got to go."  She patted Tula's shoulder maternally.  "Don't worry, child.  Garth won't be able to keep his eyes off of you when we're done." _And that's just fine by me,_ she added mentally.  _The more attention that outcast pays to you, the less he'll pay to my daughter.  She'll have no choice but to associate with true Atlanteans._ Then, she looked at Alianne.  "And you want all this done to you, too, lovey?"

            Alianne shrugged.  "Why not?"  She grinned at her friend.  "Moral support and all that."

            Sailyn smiled at the girls and herded them toward the entrance of her home.  "Well then, girls, let's tum you both into Ladies."

            To Alianne and Tula's delight, they were taken on a tour of more shops than they could count.  Clothing, cosmetics, hair -- Sailyn overlooked nothing and spared no expense, refusing Tula's offer to pay for her own purchases.  At their last stop, the stylists', Tula stood staring at her reflection in the mirror.

            An attendant placed her newly cut braids, now bound at both ends, in the teenager's hands.  Tula looked down at them.  "Yes dear, you get to keep them," she was told.  "A me ~~o~~ mento."

            Tula nodded thoughtfully.  "Of girlhood," she said softly.  Then, she looked up at her reflection again.  "Girlhood's for girls...."  She grinned.  "I'm a woman."

            From where she sat in the next chair over, Alianne, with her own hair now trimmed in faceframing layers, smiled.  "Yeah.  We're women."

            Sailyn turned both girls' heads back towards the mirrors.  "Now, you see?" she purred.  "You're both beautiful.  You'll have your pick of every young man in the city."

            Tula blushed at that.  "I don't care about every young man.  Just one."

            So, with parcels in hand and a tasteful amount of cosmetic on their faces, the transformed femme fatales headed home, several steps behind Lady Sailyn.

            "Well, whatdya want me to do now?" Alianne whispered.

            Tula touched her hair, still not used to its new length.  "Do? You -- nothing.  It's all up to me now."

            They stopped in front of Alianne's house.  "C'mon, Tula.  I gotta know!  Tell me -- what are you going to do?"

            Tula's blue eyes sparkled.  "Don't you worry 'bout that," she grinned.  "Just don't be surprised if you go to school by yourself tomorrow."

            "What?"

            "I plan on taking a direct approach -- tonight!"

 

***

 

            The next morning, Alianne arrived at school scant minutes before the arrival chime sounded.  Despite Tula's warning of the day before, she had waited for her friend.  Entering the building, she headed for her storage cube and stuffed her tote bag inside and tapped her lock.  A tap on shoulder caused her to turn.  Tula stood there, beaming.  Alianne noted the bright smile.  "Well, did you forget to pick me up this morning or what?" she asked.

            "Sorry.  I meant to call before I left the house, but Garth got there early and well, I kinda forgot.  And I did give you warning, if you remember."

            "So you did.  Then your plan worked," Alianne cheered softly.  "What'd you do?"

            The girls started walking down the hall.  "Not what I'd originally planned, that's for sure."  Alianne gave Tula a puzzled look, and she continued, "I'd planned on just going over to the palace and simply asking him out on a date, right?  Okay, but remember when Garth got called away during last class and left school?  It turned out that he and the king got summoned to help rescue a surfie airplane that crashed not far from here -- and above, of course.  So I waited until after dinner and went over to the palace --"

            "Did you see the crowd?" Alianne asked.  "Papa said there were lots of people to greet them when they got back.  The late grid news said that they'd rescued over a hundred people.  That's important -- even if they were only surfies."

            Tula nodded.  "Yeah, but what you didn't hear was that Garth really did a lot in that rescue -- figured out a way to keep the surfies calm so they wouldn't drown until they could be picked up and taken home.  He even helped some of them who were injured."

            "So?"

            "So, what happens when he and the King get back?  The crowd was going wild with praise, the Queen was standing at the palace gates with the new Prince and everyone's hailing the King!  Poor Garth gets totally ignored by everyone, like he had nothing to do with the rescue.  I was standing on the edge of the crowd when all of a sudden, Garth just quietly left."

            The girls had arrived at the door of their class.  "The chime's gonna go off any second.  Could you hurry this story up already?"

            "Fine.  Anyway, I found him in one of the palace's gardens and he was muttering to himself about being ignored and needing someone to belong to and just needing to be needed --"

            "Sounds like he left himself wide open for someone, huh?" Alianne grinned.

            "Who's telling this story, me or you?  But yeah, it was the perfect opening and he didn't even know it.  So, I hid behind a shrub, listening and planning on just coming out and asking him out, but then he was walking right in front of where I was hiding, and before I knew it, I reached out, grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around and...."

            "And what?"

            Tula lowered her voice to a whisper.  "I kissed him!"

            "Just like that?" Alianne's eyes were wide.  "You didn't!"

            "On the lips," Tula nodded.  "The makeover worked, too.  He didn't even recognize me at first! And when he realized it was me, boy, was he impressed!"

            "And next thing you knew, he was making plans to accompany you to school this morning."

            "It was a little more involved than that, but basically, that's it."

            Alianne threw her arm around Tula's shoulders as they entered the classroom.  "You've got more guts than me.  I'm so happy for you.  You'll have to come over tonight and tell me all the details."

            "Um, I'd love to, Ali, but I already promised Garth that I'd study with him tonight."

            "Oh.  Okay, I should've known."

            "You're not mad or anything, are you?"

            "Of course not," Alianne smiled.  "It's your first whole day going out with him.  I understand.  How about at lunch?"

            The corner of Tula's mouth quirked.  "Well...I did tell Garth that I'd sit with him, but I'll convince him to sit with some of the other boys or something.  I do want to tell you the entire story.  We can catch up then, okay?"

            They sat in their seats.  "Okay," Alianne agreed.  "Sounds good to me.  You have to tell --" She was cut off by the teacher's voice as he began to make the morning announcements.  _\-- me everything that happened_.

 

***

 

            Alianne sat curled up on a bench in a corner of the courtyard of her home.  A forlorn, miserable expression sat heavily on her face.  _How long can this go on? Aren't they ever going to get tired of each other?_ She then felt guilty for the thought, but she thought it anyway.  She had gone to school alone again.  Just like the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that.  And every school day in the past month.  Alone.  It was a turn of events Alianne, at fourteen, hadn't the maturity or experience to have been able to foresee.  The two friends she had spent all her time with were now spending all their time in each other's company.  She abruptly found herself left out, and had no one else to turn to.

            But that hadn't been the worst part.  Naturally, they told her everything -- because that's what friends do -- and that had been agony.  From Tula, she got _Garth said this and Garth did that._ From Garth, she heard _Tula did this_ and _Tula said that._ And they would both end with _You should've been there, Ali.  It was great!_ But she hadn't been there.

            She traced a vein in the bench's marble top with a small, slender finger.  _I don't get it.  I should be happy, right? I helped them get together, and they're certainly happy with each other...._ She closed her eyes to hide her tears.  _So why do I feel so rotten?_

            At first, Alianne thought she knew why because she thought the answer was simple.  She missed Garth.  He didn't spend much time with his 'best buddy' anymore.  In addition to his travels above and below the seas, he suddenly found himself navigating the uncharted waters of first romance.  To his great surprise, girls weren't stupid after all!  He certainly found Tula captivating, and she found him equally so.  So off they went, with Alianne looking on.

            In her loneliness, Alianne made a hesitant attempt to join the activities of the other girls at school, but she'd held them in contempt for so long, that they weren't exactly eager to embrace her with open arms.  The boys she used to spend all her time with had gone on to manly pursuits of their own and were no longer available for sliding and practical jokes.  Of course, Tula was still around, but her topics of conversation had become extremely limited lately.  Alianne found that she could only take so much of hearing about how fun Garth was, especially when she wasn't used to hearing about it second-hand -- _she_ had been the one having fun with him.

            At school and elsewhere, her gaze frequently wandered to wherever her friends were.  Wherever they went, Garth and Tula were now inseparable.  _Inseparable?  They're practically joined at the hip!_ And as she looked, Alianne now began to see what Tula saw.

            Garth had started to grow.  Almost overnight, he had sprouted up -- and out.  He was, by far, the biggest boy in class.  His body was starting to show signs of its adult form.  Others would eventually surpass him in height, hut none would match his powerful physique.  And boyishly cute was beginning to transform into mannishly handsome.

            Tula wasn't the only girl to cast admiring glances his way, either.  The very girls who had shunned him barely two years before had now decided that they liked the way nature had assembled him.  They wanted to touch his thick, inky curls and gaze in his unique eyes.  _Inferior?_ they would think, shaking their heads in puzzlement.  They'd heard the admonishments from their parents and had believed them, but now they had evidence that his actions did not equal their words.  They looked at him and their faces softened.  _There is absolutely nothing inferior about him!_

            They dreamed teenaged dreams, but only Tula had taken action.

            And if Garth could he considered a prize, then Tula had won first place.

            So now, Alianne sat in the courtyard, feeling lonely, feeling alone; not yet knowing what she had lost.  Her mind wandered as aimlessly as the vines that grew up the courtyard walls.  Thoughts began to emerge.  Each one began the same way.

_What_ _if...._ _What_ _if...._ _What if...._

            Suddenly, the answer became crystal clear.  Alianne's eyes widened in horror, and her hand flew to cover her open mouth.  She realized -- she _knew._

 _Oh no!  Not_ \-- _not me, too?  What am I going to do?_

            She toyed with several options.  _Let's see,_ _I_ _could...no, that wouldn't work.  Well,_ _I_ _could do...hmmm, no, that won't work, either.  Okay, then maybe_ _I_ _could say...no, he'd never ever believe that.  Ohhh..._ _I_ _just can't._ _I_ _can't.  It's too mean...too rotten…how can I_ _even be thinking such horrid thoughts?  I'm an awful, awful person._ _I_ _am._ _I_ _should be flogged.  Some friend_ _I_ _am._ No matter what she did, someone would get hurt.  That knowledge, and the realization that she was even considering doing something devious to one or both of them, shook her to the core of her being.  How could she?  They were her closest friends!

            Alianne made the only decision she could make.  She decided to do nothing.

 _I guess_ _if_ _anyone's going to be hurt, it'll have to_ _be me.  I can live with that...._

_I can't live with hurting either of them._

 

******

 

**Chapter Six - Surprise, Surprise!**

 

_"The more we get together, the happier we'll_ _be."_

          — children's traditional

 

            The elevator opened, and its two occupants entered the Titans Tower gymnasium.  Blinking hard against the bright lights, Alianne looked around, then looked up.  She whistled softly through her teeth.  "Wow.  When you said the Tower was big, you weren't kidding, were you?"

            Garth laughed.  Water dripped from his ebony curls and ran over his shoulders.  "Nope -- and you haven't seen half of it yet," he replied.  He crossed to a table near the jacuzzi and grabbed two towels from a waiting stack.  "Use this," he said, tossing one to Alianne.  "The guys hate it when I leave puddles all over."

            Deftly catching the towel, she watched Garth rub the thick material over his hair and body, and mimicked his actions.  "This feels so weird," she told him.  "I'm not sure I like it.  Even my hair feels strange." She touched her auburn curls for emphasis.

            Grinning in understanding, Garth reached into a cubicle near the towels and pulled out a large, wide toothed comb.  Raking it through his own hair before handing it over, he said, "Just wait until your hair dries.  If it's anything like mine, it'll curl up real tight.  I end up looking like someone stuck tiny springs on my head."  He crossed back to the elevator and pressed the 'up' button while Alianne finished combing her hair.  "Sensors indicate someone's in the rec room.  We'll go say 'hi', grab a change of clothes and head on out."

            The elevator opened, Garth holding the door open while Alianne entered the cab.  Once she was in, he let the door slide closed and they began their ascent.  "I hope it won't take too long.  I can't wait to see New York!" she enthused.

            "I just hope you're not disappointed.  Manhattan's not what it used to be."

            "I don't care! I've always dreamed of seeing New York and now I'm going to!"  Alianne's face was flushed with excitement.

 

            In the Tower's rec room, a neatly manicured hand waved frantically.  Blue eyes glanced at the sensor panel.  "C'mon, you guys!  Get down!  They're coming." Heads disappeared from view.

            The elevators opened then, and as they exited the cab, Garth and Alianne saw a young woman sitting on a leather sofa, reading.  She spied them, put her book aside, and rose to her feet.

            "Hi, Donna," Garth said.  Donna came to him and the two friends embraced warmly.  "How're you doin'? You look great...even if you're still refusing to let your hair grow out again."  There was a teasing twinkle in his eyes.

            "You men," Donna shot back.  "What is it with you and your fixation on long hair?  I happen to like my hair short."

            Garth reached up and mock-ruffled Donna's hair.  "Awww, you know I think you're gorgeous however you wear your hair, Mrs. Long," he grinned.

            "Gee, thanks.  You're not looking too badly yourself.  Keeping your sorry self out of trouble?"

            "Who, me?  Gods, no!" Garth grinned.  "You know my evil, bad-boy reputation -- Ow!" he yelped as an elbow jabbed him in the ribs.  "Hmmm ...methinks that was a not-so subtle way of telling me I'm not being polite.  Donna, this is my friend, Alianne.  I'm giving her the grand tour, then we're heading into the city.  She wants to see the sights."

            "Oh, yes.  I remember."  Donna extended her hand, and Alianne clasped it in her own.  "I'm so glad to finally meet you, Alianne.  Garth's told me so much about you.  "

            "Same here," Alianne smiled.  "And by the way, it's Ali.  Only my mother and my supervisor call me by my full name."

            "You got it," Donna replied.

            At that moment, as if on cue, the room filled as people jumped up from behind sofas, out from closets and from behind closed doors.

_"Surprise!"_

            Garth blinked as he saw the faces of his friends and teammates, and watched as they rolled out a table loaded with refreshments.  A huge cake stood out as the table's centerpiece.  _Oh, man,_ he thought, a flush spreading over his cheeks.  "You guys -- But, I don't get it..."

            "Happy birthday, silly," Kory giggled, as she stepped forward to kiss Garth on the cheek.  "It's your birthday party."

            "But it's not my birthday yet -- not for a couple of weeks yet!"

            "Of course not," Kory replied as if stating the obvious.  "We wanted it to be a _surprise._ "

            A look of bewilderment crossed Garth's finely sculpted features.  "But how did you all know I'd be --" The sound of familiar laughter stopped him and he knew.

            "You! _You_ planned this all along, didn't you?" Alianne was nearly doubled over with laughter.

            "Oh.  Oh!  You should've seen your face!  We got you but _good!_ Did you _really_ think I wanted to see smelly old New York?  Gods, the East River was bad enough! But I can't take _all_ the credit!"  She threw an arm around Donna's shoulders.  "I couldn't have done it without help."

            "It was my pleasure," Donna replied, laughing.  "It was worth all the sneakiness just to see him jump!" The two conspirators looked at each other and burst into a fresh round of laughter.

            "But how did you do it?" Garth asked Alianne.  "That was easy.  I just looked up the comm-codes when I was at your place one night and left a message.  Donna took it from there."

            Alianne looked startled as a small green bird took that opportunity to land on Garth's shoulder.  "Yo! Are we gonna chit-chat all day, or are we gonna party?" A small popping noise preceded Gar's transformation back into his own form.

 _I'm not going to get used to this,_ Alianne thought as she studied the green-skinned teenager.

            Gar's good-natured complaint seemed to be the trigger that set off a roomful of laughter, conversation and music.  It seemed that for all the times the Titans gathered, the opportunities for social recreation were few and far between.  As a result, their parties had a tendency to be a bit on the raucous side.

            Still standing next to Alianne, Donna leaned down and whispered in the shorter woman's ear.  "I'm so glad you had the idea of a surprise party for him.  I think he's actually having fun."

            Alianne nodded, watching Garth as he accepted birthday wishes from his friends.  "Yeah, me too," she whispered back.  "Believe it or not, he hasn't forgotten how.  It took him time to remember, but he hasn't forgotten."

            "And it was much easier for you two to come to us than for us to come to you."

            "True.  I understand you all wrinkle up."

            Donna giggled.  "And Vic would get all rusty.  This is much better.  Well, I'll leave you to mingle, if that's all right."

            "Sure, go ahead.  I'll be fine."

            Making her own way around the room to get something to eat and drink, Donna watched as Alianne easily moved through the room, talking to everyone as if she had known them for years, instead of just meeting them.  _Well, in a way, maybe she has known us for a long time.  I'm sure she's heard all about us over the years..._ She poured herself some soda and loaded a paper plate with cheese, crackers and raw vegetables and stood back, quietly watching her friends.

            Her private musings ended abruptly as a pair of arms embraced her from behind.  "You better be my husband, mister," she teasingly warned.

            Terry nuzzled her neck.  "Nope, I'm the bearded bandit, come to steal you away."  He surveyed the scene with her and said, "You done good, honey.  This is a great party -- everyone's having a wonderful time."

            "Yeah," Donna replied, watching Garth chat with Victor.  He was smiling and his gestures were animated and bright.  "You know, Terry, it's really good to see Garth smile again.  It's been such a rough year and a half for him.  You know that old cliche? It's really true -- time _does_ heal all wounds."

            "Maybe time hasn't been the only factor," Terry commented, looking toward the buffet table.  Alianne stood there, sampling some of the treats.  She was looking down at her finger, covered with frosting from a piece of Garth's birthday cake, as if caught in some private delight.

            "What?"  Donna followed her husband's gaze.  "Oh, you mean Ali?"

            Terry nodded.  "I was just over there, introducing myself.  I'm really impressed.  She's bright, outgoing...and she's rather pretty, if you don't mind me saying so.  I wonder..."

            "What?  If they...?"  Donna shook her head.  "No.  They're not.  They're like -- brother and sister – have been for years and years."

            "Oh, really?" Terry smiled.  "Geez, Donna, my sister never looked at me the way she looks at him!" They watched as Alianne crossed the room to join Victor and Garth's conversation.  Seamlessly, she merged into it, laughing at something Victor said.  Her auburn hair framed her flushing cheeks softly, and her green eyes shone.

            "My God!  I think you're right!" Donna whispered to Terry.  "But he hasn't said a word about it to me- and he would've."

            "Maybe that's because he doesn't know it himself.  In fact, my educated guess is that she doesn't know it, either."  A thought crossed his mind and he grinned wickedly at his wife.

            "I know that look.  Terry Long, you're up to something."

            "Uh-hnh."  He kissed Donna soundly.  "Did I ever tell you I was a gardener in a previous life?"

            "A gardener?"

            "Yup.  And it's time to plant some seeds.  Wanna help me till the soil?"

            Donna looked puzzled.  '"Till the soil'?"  Terry's meaning hit her suddenly.  "Oh, Terry -- I'm not sure about this.  If I want to see matchmaking, I'll go see _Fiddler on the Roof_."

            "C'mon, Donna.  Look at her -- look at _them_!"Terry smiled again.  "I'll be subtle, I promise.  Remember, I brought my brother and his wife together."

            "Ex-wife, you mean."

            "I never said I had a perfect track record.  But I _am_ tactful."

            Donna considered it for a moment, then shook her head.  "No, Terry, absolutely not.  I won't play matchmaker."

            "You did with Sharon and Joe," Terry pointed out.

            "Yeah, and look where it got me?  After they broke up, Joe wouldn't talk to me for days at the studio."

            "Aw, Donna, don't you want Garth to be happy? Where's your sense of romance?"

            "If they're meant to be together, they'll be together without any help from me, thank you.  And my sense of romance is exactly where it should be -- with you."

            A look of resignation crossed Terry's ruddy face.  "Suit yourself.  Have it your way.  I'm sure I can find someone here who believes that fate sometimes needs a helping hand where love is concerned."  He scanned the group and let his gaze settle on the Titan who fit his description perfectly.  "Hmmmm...I do believe I've found my partner in crime," he informed Donna.  Kissing her again, he set off in pursuit of a certain ginger-haired Titan.

 

 _It's too quiet in here...._ Victor went to the stereo, popped a cassette into the tape deck and hit the 'play' button.  "Hey, greenie," he yelled at Gar.  "I got this tape just for you!"  The sound of 2 Live Crew's _Me So Horny_ blasted from the speakers.  The rec room resonated with raucous laughter.

            Alianne looked at their faces in astonishment.  "I don't get it," she commented to no one in particular.

Gar came over to stand by her.  "Do I need this abuse?  No, I don't need this abuse.  Rag, rag, rag, that's all they ever do."  He placed a hand over his heart and adopted a wounded look.  "Have a heart, pretty lady.  These jokers don't understand that I'm young, an' single an' ready to mingle."  He gave her an exaggerated leer from head to toe.  "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

            Alianne still didn't understand what _horny_ meant, but she now got the rest of it.  She giggled.

            Nearby, Dick laughed.  "Gar, not only is that one of the oldest lines in the book, but it didn't work the other 192 times you used it, either."

            '"Sides, I don't think the lady's into tossed salads," Vic added.  "Are you, babe?"

            Now that she got the joke, Alianne laughed.  "Oh, I don't know....I like salads just fine."

            Gar beamed. 

            "-- It's just that they're not very, ummmmmm, _filling._ "

            Gar's face fell in mock dejection.  "Oh, my heart!" he exclaimed, performing a perfect pratfall 'death'.  "Shot down in flames!"

            "Again," Vic shot back to another round of laughter.

            Still laughing, Alianne detached herself from the group to get another slice of cake.  She didn't realize that Terry was watching her with great interest.  _Ah, ha!  Here's my chance._ He sauntered to her side, casual and cool.  "Hi, there.  Having fun?"

            "Terry, right?"  He nodded in confirmation.  "Oh, yes.  I'm having a great time," Alianne replied, taking a generous bite of cake.  "I'm so grateful to Donna for putting this together.  I never could have done it by myself."

            "Hey, don't underestimate yourself," he said.  "After all, you managed to get the birthday boy here without him having a clue.  Quite a feat."

            She looked over in Garth's direction.  "Oh, that was the easy part," she smiled, oblivious to how her face lit up.  "He's very trusting."

            "Would you like to sit for a minute?" Terry asked.  "I understand you're into history."

            Nodding, Alianne replied, "I work at our Archives as a researcher, but I've been thinking about returning to my studies to become a teacher."

            "Really?"  Terry sat on a sofa and gestured with his paper plate for Alianne to join him.  "I used to be a history professor at one of the local colleges.  My specialty was ancient Greek history."

            "Our time periods would be similar.  Mine's the post-Honsu War Era, which corresponds to the era of Plato here."

            They spent a few minutes discussing their mutual interests before Terry shifted a bit in his seat.  _So much for the warm-up.  Time for the main event._ "So, tell me, Ali, what do you think of this bunch?"

            "They're terrific.  I was a little concerned, 'cause you've known each other for so long.  I mean, I've heard stories about the Titans for years, but I still thought I'd feel like the new kid in school, you know? But everyone's made me feel right at home."

            Terry nodded knowingly.  "I know what you mean.  I felt the same way when Donna and I started dating."  He gestured with his plastic spoon, taking in the entire room.  "Let's face it, this isn't exactly your normal social club.  To make things worse for me, I was this divorced older guy, and they were very protective of her.  But as you can see, everything turned out fine."  He took another bite of cake and wiped icing from his mustache with his free hand.  _All right, Mr. Long old boy, move in for the kill._

            "So,Ali," he drawled, "you two been seeing each other long?"

            "Seeing each other?  You mean Garth and me?  Oh no, Terry, it's not like that at all.  We've been friends since we were kids -- but that's it."

            Terry stroked his red beard thoughtfully.  "Ooops -- my mistake.  I just assumed..."

            "Assumed what?"

            "Nothing, nothing.  I had the impression that you two were...you know...together."  He paused.  "Guess I was wrong."  _Think about_ that _for a while,_ he chortled to himself, studying her face for some sort of reaction.

            Alianne sat silently, staring at her plate.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Garth approach them.  She looked up at him.  "Hi, birthingday boy," she said, a soft smile on her lips.

            "Hi.  Hey, Terry, I need to take her away from your dazzling company for awhile."  He took the plate from Alianne's hands and set it on the table.  "We'll be back soon."

            They went to the elevator, pushed the 'down' button and entered it when the doors opened.  "Enjoying your party?" she asked.

            "I love it.  It's the best party I've ever had.  I haven't had this much fun in a long time."

            "I'm glad.  I was hoping you'd like it."

            "I do.  You and Donna really outdid yourselves.  Thank you."

            Alianne found herself blushing.  "It was nothing.  I just wanted to, well, make you...happy."

            "I think you've succeeded," Garth replied, unaware of the bit of flush that had spread across his own cheeks.  "It's been wonderful."

            The elevator halted, the doors opened and the Atlanteans strode toward the gym pool.  "In you go," Garth grinned as his body cleaved the clear water, with Alianne following suit.  Once again, they were in their natural environment.

            Garth watched Alianne drift aimlessly, looking distracted.  _As distracted as I feel._

 

            He found himself reflecting on a conversation he'd just had with Kory.  It began harmlessly enough.  She'd again wished him a happy birthday and caught him up on the latest news.  She'd talked about her modeling -- the locations, the fashions, Donna's photography.  He'd listened politely to her chattering, not really wanting to let on that he was getting a little bored with it.  Then, she'd said, "You really should bring Ali again, soon.  I'll bet that Donna would love to get her in her studio and do some headshots."

            He'd been noncommittal.  "Oh, really?"

            "Yes, really.  She's got great coloring -- dark copper hair that a lot of models would kill for, especially with those curls...vivid eyes and a fabulous complexion."

            He'd looked at Alianne, sitting on a sofa, conversing with Terry.  "I never noticed," he commented absently.

            Kory had widened her eyes in surprise.  "Now, Garth, I don't believe you're the kind of man who doesn't appreciate a beautiful woman.  I think she's lovely -- not in an obvious way, mind you.  She has a...serenity...about her, like you can tell what's in her soul by looking in her eyes.  My people appreciate that in a person."  She'd given him a look that he couldn't quite read.  "I can't believe you've never noticed.  I think Donna would love to have her in her portfolio.  You must mention it to her."

            "I will," Garth had replied.

            "Great.  Listen, I'll be back.  Talking about portfolios reminded me of something I've got to discuss with Donna.  We have a shoot tomorrow."

            And then Kory had walked blithely away.s

 

            Now, Garth studied the girl before him.  _No, not a girl-- a woman,_ he realized with a start.  He'd never thought of her as a woman grown, only as the girl he'd told all his childhood secrets to and who'd stood by him.  He looked, and it was as if he was seeing her for the first time.

 _Kory's right.  Gods, Ali, what_ happened _to you?  When did you become so...so...beautiful?  And why haven't I seen it before?_ He shook his head, as if to clear it.  _I wonder-- no, don't even_ think _it.  She would never go for it._ Several images came to mind, images both pleasant and terrifying at the same time, and he quickly stuffed them back down.  _She's your best friend, you idiot!  Don't do something stupid and ruin one of the few decent relationships you've got._ Instead, he gave her a light telepathic nudge and found that she had put up her shields.

            "I never did ask you if you're having a good time," he finally said.

            Alianne looked at him, startled out of her own reverie by his voice.  "Huh?  Oh, yeah.  I'm having a great time.  I really like your friends.  Especially Victor -- he's got such a gentle spirit."

            "I don't think anyone's ever called Victor 'gentle' before," Garth chuckled.

            "I'll make it a point to tell him then."

            "I'm glad you like them.  They like you, too.  I can tell."

            "Gar likes me, anyhow.  Is he _always_ like that with women?"

            "Always.  He has a massive case of overactive hormones, but he's basically harmless."

            "I thought he was rather cute."

 _"Cute_?It gets a little -- um -- worn after a while."

            "Oh, I don't know, Garth.  I was kind of flattered."

            He wasn't sure if he'd heard her right.  "Flattered?"

            "Flattered," she repeated.  "I can see where he does that to anything in a skirt, but it was nice in a way.  It's been ages since anyone's flirted with me.  I hate to admit it, but it really felt good."

"Uh- _huh_ ,"Garth said.  "Listen, we should get back to the party.  Everyone'll start to wonder what's happened to us.  _And it'll_ _give me something else to think about._

            "At least they won't think we've drowned," Alianne grinned as they climbed out of the pool.

            Garth watched from below as he waited for her to clear the ladder, his eyes firmly fixed on her legs as they moved, muscles flexing beneath the hem of the short-skirted dress she wore.  Funny how he'd never noticed her legs before, and now he was staring at them as if he'd never seen a woman's legs.  And it didn't help that her backside was a scant meter above his head.  He forced his gaze up to her face, which was looking down at him, still with a delightful grin on her lips.  Her lips....

 _I bet I could_ \-- _no.  No how, no way._ The direction his thoughts were turning terrified him.  _I_ _can't._ At that moment, he wished he could penetrate her mental barriers without her knowing, just to get an idea as to what she was thinking about.  Quickly, he climbed up the ladder and reached for a fresh towel.  They dried off and returned to the rec room, each lost in their own thoughts.

 _What is she thinking about?_ Garth wondered, keeping his own shields nice and tight.  So consumed was he by his own thoughts, that he had not seen the way she was looking at him, and probably would not have known how to read the look even if he had.  Which really was a pity.

            Once back in the rec room, they set their respective musings aside and swung back into the rhythm of the party.  Alianne found herself gravitating towards Victor.  He was fascinating to talk to -- street smart yet sensitive, with a wicked sense of humor and a brilliant smile to match.  He loved all types of music and she listened intently as he told her of the musicians whose works filled the Titans' music library.

            "Y'know, yer okay," he told her, sipping a soda and smiling.  "Not many people let me run on at the mouth the way ya do."

            "Maybe they don't bother listening to what you have to say," she replied thoughtfully.

            As the music ended, Vic ejected the CD from the player, set it carefully back in its case and placed it on the shelf.  "Any requests?"

            "How about something to dance to?" Alianne suggested.

            "Fast or slow?"

            "Fast, I think.  Something with a beat."  She felt restless and didn't quite understand why.

            "A girl after my own heart!"  His finger ran along the row of CO's as he scanned the titles.  "You ever jam to the _C_ _& __C Music Factory_?"

            "The what?"

            Vic pulled the CD from the shelf and set it up to play.  "Man, you're gonna love this!"

            Dance music poured from the speakers.  Gar was again at Alianne's side.  "It just so happens that I'm a wild man on the dance floor," he chortled.  "Let's get down -- get funky -- get back up again!"  Alianne found herself being pulled by the wrist to a spot not far from the stereo.  She tried to dance to the unfamiliar beat, but didn't quite know how.

            Gar; on the other hand, did know how to dance to the music and threw himself into the beat.  Alianne stopped moving completely and watched him, amused.  He danced around her, his mouth moving as fast as his body.  She found herself enjoying the younger teen's antics.  _I can see where he might get on one's nerves,_ _but I bet life with him is never dull._

            The song segued into the next one.  "So Ali, you gonna steal away with me and set my poor heart pounding?"

            "Oh, Gar," she laughed, "you're so silly."

            "Silly?  _Silly?!?"_ he cried to the air.  "I show her my heart, not to mention my fabulous masculine physique -- boogie my little green legs off to thrill her and chill her -- and she calls me _silly_!"

            She leaned forward impulsively and kissed his cheek.  "Silly...but sweet, in a sexist way," she teased.  "Too bad I'm too old for you."

            Gar blinked in surprise.  At this point, he was usually _slapped,_ not kissed.  "Stick around, babe.  I'll get older.  I'll grow -- honest!" He leered his best leer.  "You want it? I got it!"

            "Really?" Gar nodded.

            "Good.  Then, can you get me some more of that...that...ice cream?"

            "You like ice cream, too?  Cool.  What's your favorite flavor?"

            "I don't know.  I've only had vanilla so far today."

            "You _never_ had ice cream before today?"

            "Never." She shrugged.  "It doesn't import well, you know?"

            Grinning, Gar took her by the elbow and led her away from the group.  "Oh, babe!  Let's go raid the kitchen!  There's at least a half-dozen flavors waiting for you to try.  Never had ice cream.  What a deprived

lif ~~v~~ e you've led."

            A short distance away, violet eyes narrowed in displeasure as they watched the pair leave the rec room.  _Why should I care who she kisses? But Logan...?  Hell, she can do whatever she pleases._ Garth shook himself inwardly and took another bite of birthday cake.  He banished the memory of Alianne's laughing face and pushed aside a feeling he couldn't have described if he'd wanted to.

 

***

 

            Night falls swiftly in New York, but the city never darkens.  The gleaming façade of Titans Tower reflected the bright lights of Manhattan's skyline.

            Quiet finally reigned inside the Tower.  One by one, each Titan said good-bye and took his or her leave.  Kory had an early photography shoot; so did Donna.  Vic also had to rise early the following morning to catch a flight to the West Coast.  _Give Sarah our love,_ he'd been told.  _She_ _'ll_ _get yours after she gets mine,_ he'd replied with a wicked grin.  Terry and Donna were among the last to leave.

            As Terry helped his wife with her overcoat, Alianne had crossed to the couple, embracing Donna gently.  "Thanks for everything," she had said.  "This went beyond all my expectations."

            "You're welcome," Donna had replied.  "And now that you've seen that we don't bite, I hope you'll come and visit more often."

            "I'll try."

 

            Now, Alianne yawned.  It had been a long and most...  interesting day.  And for her and Garth, it wasn't over yet.  They still had to travel home.

            She glanced over to where Dick and Garth say in a comer of the room, deep in conversation.  _We're the only ones left,_ she thought drowsily.  She curled up on the sofa and rested her head on her arms.  _Oh, well.  Let them talk.  I can wait._ She smiled to herself.  _It's been such a good day.  What a great party...even if Terry thought Garth and I were an item.  What a joke._ Thoughts spun through her mind and one came to the forefront.  As she toyed with it, her heart started to race and she felt flushed.  Startled by the reaction, she quickly squelched the sensation.  _Yeah, it'd be amusing...if only it didn't scare me half to death.  It's not worth the risk._ Her eyes began to close as sleep approached.  _I'm not getting hurt again...and neither is he.  Not by me.  We don_ _'t_ _need to be hurt anymore.  I'd rather not...._

Dick stretched his legs and shifted to make his position in the leather chair he was sitting in more comfortable.  "So, how does it feel to be joining the ranks of the old people?" he asked.

            Garth laughed low in his throat.  "Old people? You're the only old person here if you think twentyone's old."

            "Well, you're next, pal.  It's all downhill from here."

            "Speak for yourself, Grayson.  Personally, I like to think of it as hitting my prime."

            Popping the top of a can of Coke, Dick looked down at it for long moments before finally taking a sip.

"But don't you _feel_ old sometimes, Garth?  Older than we really are?  We're so much alike in a lot of ways and we've been playing this game longer than any of the others, except for Wally.  We still haven't escaped the shadow of being kid sidekicks."

            "That's because _we_ were raised by our mentors.  The others can't know what that's like."

            "True enough.  And we've seen and done much more than people _twice_ our age.  I think people forget that despite our powers, we're not much more than kids ourselves." Dick smoothed back his glossy black hair.

            Garth leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head.  "I know.  The responsibility can be overwhelming sometimes."

            "Would you change it if you could?"

            "Would you?"

            Dick allowed himself a smile.  "You know, I don't think I would.  The good outweighs the bad, in the end."

            Garth nodded.  "We are who we are.  Nothing's gonna change that.  I guess we're stuck with it."

            "I guess."  Dick decided to change the subject.  "Excellent party, wouldn't you say?"

            "Absolutely," Garth grinned in reply.  "You know, I've never had a surprise party before.  Aliand Donna really put one over on me.  I had _no_ idea."

            "I could tell.  I know these things.  I'm the World's Greatest Boy Detective, remember?"  They looked at each other then and broke into laughter.

            When they had laughed themselves out, Dick turned serious eyes towards his friend.  "How _are_ you doing, Garth?" he asked gently and quietly.  "We haven't had a chance to talk in a while.  How are you doing --really?"

            Garth understood his meaning perfectly.  "Really?  Actually, I'm fine.  Better than I've been in a long time."  He sighed.  "Dick, Tula's gone.  I've accepted that.  It helps to be able to talk about it with friends."

            "Is that _friends_ singular or plural?"

            "Damn.  You're too perceptive for your own good, Dick.  Well..."  Garth paused.  "I couldn't ask for a better friend than Ali.  She's a good person."

            "Uh-huh."  Dick smiled knowingly.

            "What does _that_ mean?"

            "Nothing.  You _do_ know that Kory thinks you and she look -- um -- cute together."

 _"Cute?_ She said _cute_?"

            Dick laughed at the expression on Garth's face.  "That's Kory for you.  She thinks the world would be a much better place ~~o~~ if everyone was in love.  And who am I to argue? It seems to work for us."  He turned his head then and let his gaze fall on Alianne, fast asleep on the couch.  He tapped Garth's arm and pointed.  "Look at her.  Out like a light."  He glanced at his Rolex.  "Man, I didn't realize it was so late.  Are you two going to stay in your suite tonight?"

 _Stay together?  In the same room?_ Garth's heart gave a few quick thumps in his chest at the thought.  _Oh, no.  No way.  Don't even think_ _it._ _Don't._ "Um, no.  I don't think so," he said, standing, still looking at Alianne as he did so.  "Guess I should wake her so we can start for home."

            "She looks awfully cu--"

            "Don't you dare say _cute_ again," Garth grinned, even as he allowed himself the luxury of thinking that it was true.  He went to her and shook her shoulder gently.

            Her eyes slowly opened and she was greeted by the sight of the two handsome men standing over her.  "Hi, guys.  Have a nice chat?" she asked sleepily.

            "Very nice," Garth replied.  "Come on, sleepyhead.  It's time to go home.  Party's over."  She stood, yawning, her arms stretched out wide.

            The trio walked to the elevator.  "Go on ahead," Dick told them.  "I'm going to close up shop and keep an eye on the store."  He and Garth clasped hands.  "Have a safe trip home and don't be such a stranger, stranger."

            "I get here as often as I can -- you know that." The elevator door opened and the two Atlanteans stepped inside.

            "Ali, I really enjoyed meeting you.  Friends are always welcome here," Dick said.

            She smiled warmly.  "Well, it took more than seven years, but I'm glad we finally met, Dick.  Tell Kory I think she's terrific."

            "Yeah.  I think so, too.  'Nite, guys."

            "Take care, Dick," Garth said.  "See you soon."

            The elevator doors slid shut, leaving Dick alone on a clear late winter's night in Titans Tower.

 

******

 

**Chapter Seven - Secret Awakenings**

 

_"...it's hard to believe after all these years that_ _it_ _still gives you pain and it still brings tears..."_

          — B. Joel/Lauper

 

            Standing outside the door of Alianne's small home, Garth crooked his finger and tugged at the high collar of the formal tunic he wore.  Either he'd grown or the tunic had shrunk.  _You'd think there'd be a way to make these comfortable.  Oh, well.  Let's get on with_ _it._ He activated the door chime.

            A soft voice entered his mind.  *Come on in -- it's open.*

            He entered the house and looked around.  The living area had a totally different look than when he had last been here a few days ago.  "What is it with you? You've rearranged the furniture again."

            "I got bored.  So sue me," the voice spoke from an adjoining bedroom.

            "Well, talk about boring -- is there any way we can get out of going to this banquet tonight?  I hate state functions."  He perched his hip on the arm of the sofa.

            "C'mon, it's going to be exciting!" the disembodied voice enthused.  "All the delegates from the proposed coalition will be there.  It's history in the making!  I'm so glad you asked me to go."

            "You won't be a witness to history, Historian, if you don't start moving.  Let's _go,_ already!"  Garth started to tap his foot impatiently against the side of the sofa.

            "So, what do you think?"

            Garth swung his head around at the sound of the musical voice.

            Alianne stood straight in the doorway separating the two rooms.  She wore a shimmering gown of pale sea green.  The curving neckline left her shoulders bare and dipped to a deep, revealing _v_ in the front.  Hugging her body to mid-thigh, the gown fell in deep folds to the floor, with the weighted he ~~i~~ m swirling silently and softly at her feet.  She extended her arms and twirled slowly in place, revealing another deeply cut _v_ that left her back almost completely bare.  A silver circlet caught her auburn hair at the crown of her head, leaving fiery curls to tumble around her neck.

            She smiled.  "You like it?"  Eyes enhanced by cosmetics seemed more deeply green than usual, her lashes longer and darker.

            "Wow," Garth breathed, when he at last remembered to do so.  "Ali, you look...stunning.  I've never seen you wear anything like that before."

            "That's because Mother would have never allowed it.  I thought it would make me look less like a child."

            "You're no child," Garth smiled.  _Dear gods..._

            "Neither are you."  Alianne burst into sudden laughter.

            "What's so funny?" Garth glanced down at himself.  "Did I forget to fasten something?"

            "No, no.  We're what's funny.  Look at us.  We're color-coordinated!"

            Garth looked down at his outfit again, a formal cream with deep green and gold tunic and trousers with deep green leather boots.  He found himself laughing along with her.  "Gods, I hope people don't think we planned it this way."

            "I think we look great," she replied.  "Besides, I like that outfit on you.  It's very dashing -- and handsome." She blushed a bit.

            He mock-bowed deeply before her.  "Why, thank you, m'lady," he teased.  "You, of course, will dazzle the eyes of every delegate tonight."

            Alianne cocked her head and flashed Garth her winningest smile.  "Oh sir, how you carry on so," she oozed.  "Perhaps some prince will swirl me off my feet and carry me away."

            "Perhaps."  Garth crooked his arm and offered it to her.  "M'lady, shall we go and be bored silly?"

            Alianne rested her hand lightly against the offered arm.  "Bored?  Oh, no.  Unlike you, kind sir, I have absolutely no intention of being bored tonight," she informed him as they left for the palace.

 

***

 

            The coalition banquet would go down as one of the most memorable in recent history.  Virtually every colony, including Poseidonis and Tritonis, sent delegates to discuss issues of potential mutual interest, such as trade, security and diplomacy.  Never before in the history of Atlantis and its offshoots had such a meeting taken place.  As a result, all pomp due the momentous event was taken out and put on display.

            As expected, the formal dinner was appropriately lavish and potentially tedious.  Alianne found herself chatting with a diplomat from one of the outer colonies.  She listened in fascination as he aired his views.  For her, the banquet was a golden opportunity to observe the wheels of history as they turned.  Her curious historian's mind delightedly took everything in.

            Garth, on the other hand, found the banquet boring and slow.  Since the beginning of the conference, he'd spent his days surrounded by diplomats, discussing security issues.  After several long sessions as Poseidonis' delegate, the last thing he wanted to do was to spend his evenings discussing more of the same.  He turned to the young woman at his right and watched as she continued to talk to the diplomat.

 _At least someone's enjoying this.  But then again, she's always liked stuff like this._ He found himself drawn back in time, recalling how she used to accompany her father to various state functions as a young teenager.  Bored with the dealings of the adults around him, he would try to get her to sneak off with him in pursuit of more exciting happenings.  But Alianne always declined.  _I can't,_ she would tell him, all seriousness for once.  _My father expects me to behave myself.  Besides,_ _I_ _want to hear what they have to say._

            Garth blinked, trying not to stare at Alianne.  _What happened to that little girl?  Who stole her away and put you in her place?  Why can't_ _I_ _take my eyes off of you?_

            When they had entered the vaulted hall earlier, heads turned, following the two young Poseidonians as they made their way across the room.  Delegates and dignitaries alike observed the handsome, powerfully-built young man and the serene young woman on his arm.  Garth was keenly aware of the stares and felt -- pride? -- possessiveness? -- as he escorted Alianne to their seats.

            *Everyone's looking at us,* he told her.

            "Well, I'd better not bend over, then.  They're probably waiting to see if I'm going to fall out of this gown!* she grinned mentally.

_Oh, don't even think it.  Don't you dare think_ _it._

            Now, with dinner finally coming to an end, stewards began to clear the long tables.  Great numbers of people left to socialize in the adjoining hall.  Garth and Alianne joined in the processional, just following along.

            Another imposing presence approached the pair.  His brilliant blue eyes twinkled.  "Enjoying yourselves?" he asked in a deep, resonant voice.

            Alianne bowed her head.  "Your majesty."

            Arthur smiled.  "You look lovely, Alianne.  Your father would be very proud of you.  You do honor to your House."

            She smiled in response, pleased at the compliment.  "Thank you, your majesty."  She gestured towards the delegates.  "Father would have loved this."

            "He relished these affairs," Arthur replied.  "Would you excuse us a moment, _sheisha_?"

            "Certainly, sire."  She bowed her head again and proceeded into the other hall, leaving the two men behind.

            Garth studied his father.  "Problems?"

            "Not at all.  I just wanted to tell you that I've been studying the reports from the security contingent.  Very impressive findings."

            "I'm glad you think so.  For a while it was actually getting interesting."

            "I've been most impressed with your conduct as our delegate, Garth.  The others turn to you for leadership.  You've done well, and I'm proud of you."

            "I'm not used to being seen as a leader.  But I think I'm doing all right."

            A broad, regal hand clasped his shoulder.  "You're doing more than 'all right'.  Listen, I have to talk with the other delegates.  You'd better catch up with Alianne before one of the diplomats takes her home to their ruler as a souvenir of our fair kingdom."

            Garth blushed, ever so slightly, at that.  Arthur couldn't help but notice it.  _Oh, ho...I'd wondered_ _if_ _this would happen.  Maybe it's time to nudge_ _it_ _along a little._ He cleared his throat.  "Garth, may I offer you some unsolicited advice?"

            "Um...sure," he replied, uncertain as to what the 'advice' might be.

            Arthur smiled.  _"Carpe diem._ "

            Puzzlement flashed across Garth's features.  "Carpe _what_?"

" _Carpe diem._ It's an old Latin expression I once heard.  It translates to _seize the day._ "

            "Seize the day?  You've lost me," Garth replied, still puzzled.

            Arthur turned his blond head in Alianne's direction.  "Seize the day," he repeated.  "Just...keep it in mind."  Smiling an enigmatic smile, he left Garth's side and went to mingle with the delegates.

 

            Alianne stood alone inside the archway separating the two great rooms.  As Garth approached, she smiled warmly, her soft eyes aglow.  Her expression neither frightened nor displeased him, for it mirrored the expression on his own face.

            Her pulse quickened at seeing him, and for once, she didn't squelch the sensation.  Since his birthday party, her thoughts had been most un-buddylike where he'd been concerned.  At first, she stuffed those thoughts down, but it was as if she was seeing him with new eyes, and the more she looked, the more she _saw,_ and the less frightened she became of her thoughts.  Now, those thoughts did not frighten her at all, and she inwardly shrugged at the fates that led her to this moment.

            When he'd had asked her to accompany her to the banquet -- _Oh, come on, you'll keep me from getting bored out of my mind_ \-- she went to the best dressmaker around and purchased the elegant, revealing gown, piled her hair on top of her head, and dressed with the greatest care.

 _Buddies?  Uh-uh.  I don't plan on being anybody's_ buddy _tonight.  He still thinks of me as being a little girl?  I don't think so._ She studied Garth's face as he approached and smiled inwardly at the appreciative gaze.  _Good_ \-- _at least I know he's not blind._

            Then he was at her side.  Their eyes met and locked, amethyst against emerald.  "Hi," he said softly, smiling at her, feeling suddenly shy.

            Alianne smiled back.  Delegates passed by them, but they were unaware of anyone else's presence in the room.  At that moment, no one existed but the other.

            Garth suddenly became aware of music filling the room.  "Oh no," he groaned in mock horror.

            The moment passed. 

            "What's the matter?"

            "You hear that?"

            Alianne listened and nodded.

            "I'd forgotten about this," he said.  They watched as couples took their places on the floor and began to dance.

            Laughing as a memory popped into her head, Alianne asked, "Garth, do you remember --?"

            "How can I forget?  This was the part of school I hated most."

            "Now, children," Alianne said, pitching her voice up in mimicry of a long ago instructor, "you must learn to conduct yourselves like proper young lords and ladies so that when you take your places in society you do not embarrass the kingdom."  She giggled.  "How ridiculous can you get?"

            Garth laughed with her.  "I know.  I mean, dancing lessons!  And you used to step on my feet."

            "That isn't how _I_ remember it."  An auburn eyebrow arched.  "Still remember how?"

            "Some things you never forget -- unfortunately," he began.  Then he saw her challenging look.  "Uh-uh, Ali.  You're not getting me out there."

            She grinned, eyes flashing.  "Coward."

            Garth's eyes flashed back.  "That's it, girl.  _Nobody_ calls me a coward and gets away with it."  He bowed deeply before her, then looked up and smiled.  "Lady, may I have the honor?"

            Alianne curtsied just the way she had been taught long ago, and gave the prescribed response.  "My lord, the honor is mine."

            She took his offered arm, and they made their way onto the dance floor.  Facing each other, they began to execute the steps of an ancient dance of the Poseidonian court -- a stately, noble dance with a slow, intricate pattern.

            Their hands touched, locked.  A current passed sharply through them.  Garth was acutely aware of the feel of her skin where his other hand pressed against the small of her back.  The scent of her perfume drifted up to his nose, a mixture of sweet coastal flowers.  He breathed deeply, savoring the sensation.  She seemed taller somehow, and he looked at her, seeing her soft smile and wide, glittering eyes.  _Kory was right,_ he realized.  _It_ is _like looking into your soul._ Quite suddenly, he also realized how tired he was of fighting the feelings he had been denying for some time.  He smiled to himself.

_I give up._

            They moved across the floor, unaware of the couples surrounding them; unaware of the thoughts inside a certain blond head.  _Seize the day, Garth.  It's time for your loneliness to end.  You'll help each other in ways neither of you can begin to imagine._ Arthur allowed himself a very paternal smile.

            An ancient, rumbling voice interrupted his thoughts.  "They look elegant out there, don't they?"

            Arthur turned toward the voice.  "Why, Oldine, you've actually left the Archives for more than five minutes! I'm stunned!"

            The Master of Poseidonis' Archives laughed at the old joke.  "It happens on occasion, Arthur," he replied.  He returned his gaze to Garth and Alianne.  "Wouldn't Gavor have loved to see his daughter tonight?  She's become quite a young woman.  She's an asset to my staff, you know -- insightful and curious.  But who knew she could be so lovely?  They are quite a pair." Oldine allowed himself a slight nod of satisfaction.  "Quite the pair."

            "Hopefully, they will realize that, too," Arthur replied, nodding in agreement.  "I don't think her mother would approve, though."

            "Lady Sailyn holds no sway with her daughter," the wizened old historian replied.  "Besides, you're the king -- feed her to the sharks if she attempts to interfere."

            Arthur laughed and decided that he might just consider that -- if need be.

 

***

 

            The music -- and the dance -- stopped.

            "You didn't step on my feet this time," Alianne teased.  "I enjoyed that.  Thank you."  She felt almost lightheaded from the sensations coursing through her very being.

            "You're welcome," Garth replied.  Suddenly, he took her hand and led her off the dance floor.  "Let's get out of here."

            "But the banquet --"

            "Forget the banquet."

            "Garth, where are we going'/"

            "Wait and see."  He led her out of the great hall and strolled down the palace corridors.  Then they passed through a large vaulted archway and came to a long balcony.  Poseidonis gleamed like a great jewel before them.

            Alianne rested her hands lightly on the balcony railing.  "What a lovely view," she breathed.

            Garth came to stand by her side.  "I'm glad you like it.  This is one of my favorite places," he told her.  "I used to come here when I was younger.  I'd stand here and look out over the buildings and wonder if I'd ever find a place for myself -- if I'd ever truly belong." He allowed himself a small self-deprec ~~i~~ ating smile.  "I used to come here a lot."

            She understood.  She turned toward him, her green eyes soft in their gaze.  "And now?  Do you still feel that way?"

            "No.  Not anymore."  His voice was low, soft and warm.  "How can I, when I have someone who believes in me so very much?"

            Alianne closed her eyes.  "Garth, I --"

            "Ali, look at me," he commanded gently.  She obeyed, captured by his deep violet eyes.  "What's happening here?"

            "What do you want to happen?"

            "I think I know, but what I don't know is..." He let his voice trail off.  Instead of completing the statement, he took her hands, engulfing their smallness within his own, stroking them.  "Your skin is so soft.  I never noticed."

            "You've never touched me before."

            "I have."

            "You've never really touched me.  Not like this."

            "Nor like this."  His arms were around her then, as if they had a will of their own, and she didn't resist the embrace.  He studied her gentle features, and with a voice tinged with discovery, said, "You are so beautiful."

            Alianne's chin tilted up ever so slightly as Garth began to lower his head to hers.  Closer...closer.  Alianne could not close her eyes, for they were locked with his, those splendid, unusual, exquisite eyes.  They were so intense, so vibrant, so --

_Brown?_

            She blinked.  Garth's face disappeared from view and her mind's eye replaced it with one from the past -- a past filled with pain and horror.

 _*No!*_ she cried.  *I can't...I can't!*  Pulling free from Garth's embrace, she fled to the far end of the balcony.

            Garth rushed after her.  He didn't know why, but she was in pain; pain that was excruciating in its intensity.  He could almost feel her misery.  *Ali, wait! Let me help!*

            *Leave me alone, Garth!  Please -- leave me alone!*  She huddled against the wall, hugging herself tightly.  Eyes that had been so full of life and anticipation scant moments ago now stared out emptily over the city.

            *Talk to me,* he pleaded, echoing words that she had said to him so many times in recent months.

            *I can't.  It hurts.*  She looked down at the floor.

            *Damn it.  Why does it still hurt? Damn it all.*

            Garth reached out and turned her to face him.  Her eyes were those of a cornered animal, wild and wide -- and brimming with tears.  Now he knew the reason for her reaction and cursed Loren for being its cause.  _Damn him!  Damn him for making you break your bond with him._ *Let me help.  Please?*

            Alianne's thoughts tumbled across his mind in a disjointed mass.  *I thought I was over this!  They said I was over this!  How much time does it take?  I don't want him, I don't love him -- I hate him!  Damn, damn, damn.*

            Garth held her gently.  Unbidden, his fingers wound in her hair, pulling the silver circlet away, stroking the thick, auburn curls as they fell into his hands.  *Don't turn away from me,* he implored.

            *I don't want to!* she sobbed.  *I want...I thought I wanted to be with you, I really did.  Oh, gods!  I'm so confused.  I thought I knew everything.*  She looked up at him.  *I can't do this, Garth.  It's too hard.  I can't let you in, not like this.  If _you_ leave me, I'll have no one left.  I can't let you hurt me -- you wouldn't even be my friend anymore.*

            *Ali, I'd never hurt you,* he said, hoping to reassure her.

            Her mental voice was barely audible.  *Loren said the same thing.*

 _*Damn him!*_ The intensity of Garth's oath shook Alianne's mind.  _*I am not Loren!_ You've got to realize that!*  In his arms, she felt so very tiny, so very fragile and he held tightly to her as if the touch could somehow transfer her pain to him so he could absorb it and take it away.  *I can't guarantee that you'll never be hurt, Ali.  That wouldn't be fair -- to either of us.  But I do promise I will never deliberately hurt you.  Of course, that doesn't mean that I'll never do something stupid or act like a jerk.*

            Alianne managed a small smile at his last words.  Then she buried her head against his broad chest and sobbed out years of hidden pain.

            *That's it...let it out.  Let it go,* Garth soothed, continuing to hold her in a secure, reassuring embrace as she cried.

            *Garth...I'm...I'm so afraid.*

            *I know.  It's okay.*  He tucked his hand gently under her chin and tilted her face up to his.  *I'm a little afraid, too,* he smiled.  *But I'd rather be afraid with you than be afraid alone.  Wouldn't you?*

            *I'm not sure,* she admitted.  *I need some time to think.*

            *We have all the time in the world,* he assured her with a soft smile.

            She disengaged herself from the embrace, turned away and stared out over the cityscape again.  It seemed to Garth as if an eternity passed while he just stood there, watching her, waiting for some sort of cue as to what to do next.  Being in the role of the initiator was new to him and he did not know quite how to proceed.

            Eventually, she resolved his dilemma.  "I'd like to go home now.  Do you mind?"

            In reply, Garth took her hand.  To his surprise, Alianne did not pull away from his touch, but neither did she encourage anything further.

 

***

 

            Not a word was said.  At the door of her home, Alianne accessed the entry code before allowing herself a quick glance at Garth.  _How can I not? But...how can I?_ To him, she simply said, "I am so sorry."

            "For what?"

            "Can I tell you something?"

            He nodded.  Opening the door, she gestured for him to enter the house.  Once in the living room, she sat on the overstuffed sofa and patted the space next to her.  "Come sit."  In their formal dress, they looked completely out of place amidst the informal surroundings.

            "I'm sorry," she repeated.  "Just look at this dress."

            Garth couldn't help but smile.  "I did.  All evening long."

            Noting his appreciative glance, distress crossed her features.  "That's just it! Garth, I bought this dress for you.  I wore my hair differently for you.  I planned everything tor you; so that just for one night, you would stop seeing me as still being thirteen years old!"

            "It worked."

            "I know.  And I was thrilled."  Her face softened from its stricken expression.  "When we were dancing, I wanted it to go on forever.  For the first time in, oh...well, in a long time, I felt...safe, secure, like nothing could harm me.  And I felt that maybe, just maybe, everything would be all right.

            "Then we were alone and close, and I knew that I wasn't the only one who felt it -- that you were caught up in it, too.  But now, the thought of things changing between us really frightens me.  Maybe it would be easier if we were thirteen again."

            Garth looked at her.  "We can't be thirteen again, Ali.  Not ever.  You can't go back to the past."

            Her expression was rueful.  "I know that, too.  Besides, going back would mean reliving what Loren did to me.  Gods know I'm not willing to do that."  She stared at the tightly clenched fists in her lap.  "You can't begin to imagine what it was like for me."

            "Try me."  His voice was soft and compassionate.  "You've listened to me often enough.  You talk.  It's time I listened to you."

            Alianne abruptly rose from her seat and took a small wafer from a storage container.  She inserted it into a slot in an entertainment unit and activated it.  Music began to drift down from speakers in the ceiling.  "I don't recognize this," Garth commented, listening.

            "Mozart.  I love classical music.  It's one of the few things that the landsmen have given us that's not toxic."  Pacing back and forth, she swallowed hard.

            And began.

            "Do you remember when Loren asked me to bond with him?"

            Garth nodded silently.

            "Of course you do.  You were the first person I told, even before we went to our parents to make the formal Requests.  You were concerned because I was only seventeen, but he was the first boy I'd ever really loved.  _After getting over you._ And he told me that he loved me.  Gods, but he was so endearing and just a little bit shy.  _Just like you._ Mother loved him because his _credentials_ were right.  Loren was comfortable to be with.  Never too forward, always polite.

            "Father had reservations.  He thought we were too young, just like you did.  I was in training at the Archives and Loren was in his first year studying at the Ministry of Science.  Father wanted us to wait another year or two, but we didn't want to wait.  We couldn't.  And of course, Father could never deny me anything, so in the end, he gave his consent.  We went through the Mind Lessons, all the rituals for _Sai'a_ _'thash_ and were Bound."

            Alianne stopped her pacing and turned to face Garth.  "You've heard the stories about the intensity of Bonding.  You're linked permanently together to the one you love.  It enhances your abilities and joins you so that you're always together, mind to mind, even though you're kilometers apart.  You feel what they feel.  It amplifies everything.

            "But...it wasn't like that for Loren and me." Alianne started to pace again.  "Seclusion was...a disaster.  As we were exploring what the Bond could do, something went wrong.  We had never -- _you know_ \-- and Seclusion was the time for us to discover each other.  When the time came, Loren couldn't" -- she hung her head -- "perform."

            Garth blinked in surprise.  "You mean --"

            Alianne nodded miserably.  "Not the first time, or the second, or the third.  And after that, he stopped trying.  It was the same each time.  He'd come to me and we'd begin to make love...but he couldn't finish what he started.  So he stopped.  I guess he was embarrassed.  I know I was ashamed.  The Bond is supposed to make lovemaking so intense, and I felt so little from him.  It must have been my fault.

            "So, I began to initiate contact and he rejected me each time, and then I knew it was my fault.  We came back from Seclusion and set up our own home.  The rest of the world saw us as being content with our lives.  Loren continued his studies and I returned to the Archives.  But things didn't get better as time went on.  Loren was in my mind, but so distant, and I couldn't understand why.  I did all I could to satisfy him in all ways, and it wasn't enough.  Nothing I did helped.  He was never happy.  Then, one day" -- her voice dropped to a whisper -- "he hit me."

            "Hit you?" Garth bolted upright in his seat, unconsciously taking a defensive posture.  "Gods, Ali! Why didn't you tell someone?  Why didn't you tell _me_?"

            Hollow eyes stared through him.  "I just couldn't - especially not _you._ Besides, I told myself he didn't hit me hard -- or often.

            "The worst thing was, he began to shield from me.  It's unthinkable for _Sai'a'theeh_ to do that.  I couldn't read him at all.  Finally, he told me that bonding with me was a mistake.  I'd been reduced to being a _mistake._ He no longer wanted to be my consort.  He wanted the Bond dissolved.  But in spite of everything, I still loved him.  I wanted to make it work.  So, I refused.  That was my right."

            She returned to the sofa and sat next to Garth.

            "Do you remember Urem?"

            Garth nodded.  "The radical Shalakite priest.  He was banished from the kingdom several years ago."

            "Do you know why he was banished?"

            "Yes.  For betraying the trust of the people." Puzzlement knitted Garth's brows together.  "Ali...what does Urem have to do with you?"

" _Everything._ "Alianne began to shake.  "Loren went to Urem, seeking his aid in getting released from our Bond."

            "But he needed your consent to do that."

            She could no longer bide her tears.  "No.  Urem said he knew of a way.  An ancient method, long since taboo, and unused for centuries.  They planned it together.  I went to sleep one night, barely sensing Loren in my mind.  While I slept, while my shields were down, when I was most vulnerable, they carried out their plan.  It was the only time they could do it.

            "Urem later confessed his doubts about the success of his incantations, but said that Loren's pleadings urged him on.  So, suddenly, in my -- our -- room, in the dark, _he ripped Loren out of my mind._ "

            Garth looked at Alianne in horror.  "A forced Severation? A...a mind rape?  Oh gods," he whispered.  "Oh gods."

            Alianne shook uncontrollably.  "My parents rushed into the house and into my room.  They had heard my screams in their minds, in spite of the distance separating us.  I screamed and screamed.  I couldn't stop screaming.  They told me I was in convulsions when they found me, but I have no memory of that.  Or of the ones that followed later.  They thought I was going to die.

            "Loren committed the ultimate act of violation.  He couldn't touch my body, so he raped my mind and left me barren."

            Garth slid closer to her.  "Gods, Ali.  I never knew."

            "Mother insisted that no one know.  Oh, the king knew; judgment had to be passed on them both.  Urem was banished from Poseidonis forever.  Out of respect to his family, Loren was given the option of leaving 'voluntarily'.  My parents kept me in isolation and I saw few people -- the Healers, who repaired the damage; my parents, of course; and after a while, Tula.  But even she never knew the truth.  The official story was that Loren forced me to consent to dissolving our bond, but because I wasn't willing, I'd suffered psychic trauma.  You were away alot then, which was probably just as well."

            Garth embraced her, offering comfort-- or hoping that he did, at least.  "Why didn't you confide in me before this?"

            "Because I was stupid and I didn't want you to know how stupid I was.  I was stupid for trusting Loren, stupid for not dissolving the Bond when I had the chance.  I thought that if you knew, you'd pity me.  I didn't want your pity.  Besides, I thought I was over it.  After three years and gods know how many Healers, I should be fine, right?  And everything _was_ fine.  Until tonight."

            "Out on the balcony."

            Alianne nodded slowly.  "I knew what was about to happen and I thought I wanted it.  I'd certainly planned for it, what with all the preparations I'd made for the banquet and all.  But when you came close, it wasn't you I saw, it was Loren and it came back.  All of it.  You see, the Healers made me well, but they didn't make me forget.  And I just...  couldn't."  She sighed, her tears mingling around them.  "I'm sorry.  I never wanted to burden you with this."

            Garth held Alianne's slender frame, shaken by the depth of her pain.  She clung to him, helpless to control her trembling and her tears.  He wrapped his arms around her, wanting to give back the strength and comfort she'd given him so many times in recent months.

            As she cried, the memory of the horrid day out on the Northern Ridge of the Wynne Mountains filled his mind.  He had tried to put that day in the past.  It had not been one of his finer moments.  And in the middle of feeling new shame for railing at her for trying to help him with his grief; something important occurred to him.

 _Garth, I loved Loren.  And...he hurt me, more than I_ _ever thought possible.  More than anyone could ever know.  He took..._ And later...

_Being my friend doesn't mean you understand!_

_Understand what, Garth?  Understand what it feels like to be alone? Understand the loneliness? The pain?  The grief? Understand being together and having that_ ripped away? _Understand what_ _it_ _feels like when someone you love isn't there anymore?  Just what part don't you think I understand?_

            He had been so brutal in his response that he had made her cry.

            Now she cried because she had revealed the truth and revealing it meant reliving it.  _Gods below, you tried to tell me all about this months ago, and I didn't hear you.  You were crying out to me just as much as I was crying out to you, but you thought my grief was more important.  So important that you stopped trying to reach out to me to share your grief so you could be there for me._

 _I'm such an idiot.  What can I say now that would possibly help you now?_ His brows knit in frustration.

            After a time, Alianne raised her head.  Her tears had stopped.  There were none left to shed.  She inhaled deeply, her exhale a sigh.  To her surprise, she managed a tiny smile.  "It's funny.  I feel a little better, like a weight's been lifted from my shoulders."

            "You always did say it's best not to keep things inside," Garth said, attempting to make his tone light.

            Alianne's smile widened a little.  "I do say that a lot, don't I?"

            He nodded.  "Good advice."

            Standing then, her shimmering green gown settled around her feet and her hair tumbled carelessly around her face.  "I bet I don't look so good now," she said, making a face.

            Garth stood with her.  "You still look like a princess to me," he replied gently, touching a loose auburn curl.

            She blushed.  "I'm going to get changed."

            "I should go, then," Garth said, starting toward the door.

" _No!_ "she cried vehemently.  Garth wheeled about, startled by the intensity of her voice.  "Please...stay?  I...I don't want to be alone right now.  Please, Garth...don't go.  Not yet, okay?"

            "Okay," he replied.  "I'll do whatever you want." And in saying that, he realized that it was true in all things.

            "Thank you." She went to her bedroom, and emerged a short while later, wearing a simple knee length sleepshift.  She had brushed her hair neatly, in its usual way.  The shining princess was gone, leaving only a young, frightened woman behind.

            They sat long into the night, sometimes talking, usually silent; listening to the classical music that

Alianne enjoyed so much.

            Hours later, Garth realized that her breathing had gradually become soft and regular.  He looked down and saw that she slept, nestled against his chest.  _Finally.  Gods, I could understand_ _if_ _she never wanted to sleep again -- not after that._

            As Garth continued to study Alianne, a wave of protectiveness washed over him.  Carefully disengaging himself so as not to disturb her, he stood.  Then, he bent over and lifted her up off the sofa.  She stirred gently at the movement, then settled.  He carried her sleeping form into her bedroom.

            Pulling the bedclothes back, he laid ~~y~~ her head gently against the pillows before adjusting the covering over her shoulders.  On impulse, he brushed h is ~~e~~ lips against her forehead and straightened up, shaken.

            He closed the door and returned to the living room.  He selected a new music wafer and sat back down on the sofa, folding his arms over his chest.  His jaw clenched, unclenched, clenched again.

 _Mind raped.  Dear gods.  All this time she's been concerned about_ my _well-being, while living alone with that horror._

            A silent sentry in the long night, he allowed himself one thought.  The thought became a vow.

_No one will cause you such pain again, Alianne.  I swear_ _it._ _I will protect you.  No one will harm you._

            And then he made the hardest promise of all.

_Especially not me.  Not ever._

 

***

 

`"It was you who broke through my armor;`  
`It was you who broke through my wall,`  
`With your pain and your desperation --`  
`How could I not answer your call?`

`How could I have guessed you would need me,`  
`And in ways I could not control?`  
`How could I have known I would need you,`  
`Or have guessed you'd see to my soul?`

`...When I looked again tonight, I discovered`  
`I could not again stand apart --`  
`In the dead, dark hours after midnight`  
`I discovered I owe you my heart."`

 

          — Mercedes Lackey

 

******

 

**Chapter Eight - A Matter of Trust**

 

_"I_ _can't offer you proof, but you're gonna face a moment of truth...so break my heart_ _if_ _you must.  It's a matter of trust."_

          — B. Joel

 

            The computer beeped softly and the screen flashed brightly for an instant before it replaced its displayed text with a new message:

_Data overload...memory storage malfunction...  input exceeds established parameters._

            Alianne slapped the console in frustration.  "How can your memory _exceed established parameters,_ you stupid machine?  You just got installed, for Orin's sake!"

            She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair.

            The data error was just the latest in a series of foul-ups and glitches plaguing her existence over the last few days.  Her colleagues at the Archives noticed her uncharacteristic sullenness and gave her a wide berth as she stomped through its corridors.

            Ignoring the computer's silent plea for new instructions, she glanced upward at the ceiling, flexing her shoulders, trying to relax her tense muscles.  But as soon as she did, her mind immediately sketched images that she'd been trying to ignore for several days....

 

_The morning after the coalition banquet, Alianne had been surprised to awaken in her own bed.  She couldn't recall getting under the covers.  She'd risen, only to find another surprise waiting for her in the living room._

            He's been waiting there all night, _she'd realized._

 _And it was true.  Garth had sat up the whole night, silent and unmoving._ And he hadn't even loosened his collar.  _As she had approached, he had turned and greeted her with a gentle smile.  Faint circles beneath his eyes denoted fatigue, but his posture remained erect and alert.  When she asked him why he had stayed, he had simply replied,_ _"I_ _didn't want to leave you alone.  I wanted to watch over you and chase the demons away_ _if_ _they came."_

_Alianne had been touched by his gesture.  It must have worked, too.  She'd slept peacefully, not haunted by her dreams.  Still, her nerves were raw from having relived the experience of the mind rape._

 

***

 

 _Garth had understood when she asked him not to stop by that day.  "You should sleep," she told him, "and I think I want to be alone for a while now."_   _So he returned to his apartment, ignoring the pointed looks from stewards and retainers as he crossed the palace grounds.  Still clad in the formal outfit of cream and green, he_ knew _what they were thinking._ They assume too much.  _However, he knew that anyone seeing him with Alianne at the banquet the night before, then seeing him now would draw the same conclusion._

            Let them think what they will.  _He remained shaken by her revelation of the involuntary Severation of the Bond between her and Loren._ Not in hundreds of years had anyone tried to do what Loren and Urem had done.  She'd had no one who would understand.  _That she had chosen to tell him of her ordeal touched his heart in ways he had thought long dead and buried_

_He did not go to her home that day, nor the next.  She had told him she would call, and the call had not yet come.  By the third day, he could no longer stand the waiting.  The night before, he had tossed and turned in his sleep, restless ness invading his dreams.  Finally he rose, dressed and left the city.  He spent hours out in the open sea, making certain all was right with his world_

_Usually, he found comfort in swimming free, unfettered by the towering buildings crowding together beneath the Poseidonian dome.  On other days, he enjoyed observing sea creatures at play, darting around the cliffs and coral.  Now, none of it mattered.  His mind kept drawing images of the haunted, hollow look in Alianne's emerald eyes, and everything else became insignificant.  Turning, he began to swim home._

            I need to see her.  I need to get her to trust me.

 

***

 

            Garth stood in the doorway of Alianne's cramped office.  He watched, amused, as she battled the troublesome computer, listening as she hurled oaths at the blinking screen; few of them in Poseidonian.  It was with a bit of surprise that Garth discovered that she knew how to swear in so many _different_ languages.

            "Having a rough day?"

            Alianne jerked at the sound of his voice.  She swiveled in her chair.  "Hi," she said hesitantly.

            Garth snagged a chair from a corner of the office and sat next to her.  "Problems?"

            "Yeah.  Damn machine keeps dumping everything I put into it."  She gestured to the small reader-screen in her lap, currently displaying the index page of an instruction manual.  "And _this_ is next to worthless.  You wouldn't happen to have a blaster, would you?"

            Garth shook his head.  "You know I don't do weapons."

            "Too bad.  I'm ready to blast this -- this _thing_ into oblivion!"  She flexed her shoulders again and rubbed her neck.  "I've been at this all morning.  Gods, but I'm stiff."

            "Here, let me."  Garth reached over, pushed her hair aside and began to knead the tense muscles.  At his initial touch, she flinched.  He pulled away.

            She sighed heavily.  "No, it's okay, I guess."

            Once more, he rubbed her neck and shoulders.  Alianne felt the tension begin to leave her aching muscles under the pressure of his fingers and she gradually relaxed against his touch.  Garth smiled when he felt the muscles begin to soften.  _That's it...I'm not going to hurt you..._

            "You should take a break," he commented quietly.  "The computer won't fix itself."

            She tapped the controls on the reader-screen.  "I really should get this mess straightened out.  I have so much to do today, you can't possibly imag--"

            A blue-gloved hand closed over her wrist.  "Ali, that's _enough._ "Garth took the reader from her and placed it on her desk.  "You've been avoiding me for days.  I stayed away, just like you asked.  Please...take a break.  Just for lunch, okay?  Anyway, it's my turn to buy."

            She looked resigned to whatever her fate might be.  "Okay, you win."  She sighed again.  "But do you mind if we just go to my house?  I really don't feel like going out.  I'll fix something."

            Garth nodded his consent.  Alianne left a message with the central information specialist, saying she was checking out to get a meal, and they left the Archives.

 

***

 

            Alianne busied herself in preparing their meal, trying to think about anything but the young man sitting in her living room, but she found she could not stop her tumultuous thoughts.  In a way, she had been relieved that he came to her.  She had yearned to see him -- talk to him -- touch him -- but she was uncertain as to how she could explain her feelings.  She simply did not know where to start, and had less of an idea as to where it would all lead.

 _At least he doesn't consider you damaged goods.  Be thankful for that, at least._ With a start, Alianne realized that she was shielding tightly.  _What is your problem, anyway?  He's out there_ \-- _waiting for you to say something -- anything!  Why are you so scared? You know that you can_ _trust_ _him...can_ _'t_ _you?  You've_ _told him everything and he hasn't turned away.  Trust him now.  We've come such a long way.  Just get on with it and let whatever happens, happen.  You can't dwell on the past forever, you know.  Just go out there and have faith in him.  Stop playing games._

            Everything was clear to her then, and she stopped what she was doing and went into the living room.  As she entered, Garth stood up, an expectant look on his face.  For the first time that day, she smiled.

            He returned the smile.  "You okay?"

            The frightened, haunted look had disappeared from her face, replaced by a warm glow.  She held out her hand.  "Come with me."

            He took her hand within his own.  Alianne led him out to the garden.  Surrounded by the vibrant, colorful flowers she'd nurtured so carefully, they faced each other.

            Her gaze dropped to their entwined fingers.  _Trust.  Faith._ And what had been so hard a few nights ago suddenly became easy.  As she glanced into his face, she found herself spiraling down into his deep violet eyes.  She smiled.

            "I know this isn't your balcony...but do you think it will do?"

            In response, Garth lowered his head to her upturned face.  Their lips met and he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her tightly to him.  The first kiss was gentle, almost tentative.  The second, shattering in its intensity.  Shielding fell away as they shared thoughts of loneliness and longing, healing and contentment.

            Alianne became aware of his hands, gentle, tender, enveloping her with security.  His mind caressed hers and her thoughts exploded.  _Joy!_ they sang.  She reached up, her palms traveling along the back of his neck and tangled her fingers in his closely cropped curls.  She showed him her newfound joy.

            She showed him love.

            Old wounds were fractured, destroyed.

            Surrounded by her thoughts, Garth took them in and in return, touched her mind with his own longing.  He shuddered with the intensity of her thoughts.  Pulling his mouth from hers, his lips began to roam over her face and neck.  He wanted to touch every part of her and lose himself in her sweetness.  His pulse roared in his cars as she spoke tenderly in his mind.

            *How could I have been so afraid?*

            *There's nothing to be afraid of: You're safe with me.*

            *I know!  No more fear.  No more ghosts.  No more pain.*

            *No more pain,* he affirmed.

            *I was so lonely, but now--*

            *I know, I know.  Me, too.*

            Garth tilted her face up to his.  The color sat high in her cheeks and her eyes sparkled.  "You are lovely," he said, pushing a stray lock of her hair from her face and twisting the loose curl in his fingers.  "My best friend.  My buddy.  Who'd have ever thought--?"

            Alianne chuckled softly.  "I guess we're not buddies anymore."

            He brought her hand to his face and brushed it with his lips.  "That has got to be the understatement of the year!" he laughed, kissing her brows.  "No, not buddies.  ~~b~~ But you will always be my best friend."

            "And you, mine." Alianne smiled.  "Garth, I have a confession to make."

            A dark eyebrow arched with curiosity.  "Oh?"

            She nodded.  "I had a crush on you when we were kids."

            "You did?" Drawing her close, he asked, "And now?"

            She nestled her head against his chest.  "Oh gods.  Now, I...I..."  She closed her eyes, uncertain as to the wisdom of risking all.

            Garth tilted her face to his again, locking his gaze with hers.  As she met his gaze, she knew there was no going back.  This time, she drew him in to a kiss.

            "I love you," she told him.  She paused, waiting for rejection.  None came.  "No...that's not quite right.  I've always loved you.  I'm in love _with_ you.  There's a difference.  You know me better than anyone else in the world.  You bring me joy.  You know all my secrets and you didn't turn away."  She paused again.  "Doesn't that frighten you?"

            "No."

            The corners of Alianne's mouth quirked.  "Well, it sure frightened me!"  She withdrew gently from Garth's embrace and gazed at the flowers surrounding them.  "I used to think I knew what love was, but I didn't.  Not until recently, when I realized that I longed to be near you and I ached when you were away."  She turned back to him, resting her hands lightly against his upper arms, her fingers curving over his biceps.  "I was afraid that if I tried to change the balance of our friendship, I'd drive you away.  There's a lot of years between us and I wasn't sure if I was willing to risk what we _have_ for something that might not even _be._ I mean, if you knew how I felt and you didn't feel the same, it would change our friendship forever -- and not for the better.  Does that make sense to you?"

            He nodded thoughtfully.  "It makes perfect sense.  I felt the same way."

            "Really?"

            "Really.  I think...I think I knew for a while, but I've been fighting it.  I wasn't ready to admit it, even to myself.  And yes, it's frightening, but I'm glad it's out" -- he grinned -- "I was getting awfully tired of shielding around you."  A thoughtful expression passed over his features.  "Ali, I don't know if I'm doing this right.  You know I've never been at ease with words...but I want you to understand something -- you've never had a problem telling me what's on your _mind;_ I hope you'll never be afraid to tell me what's in your _heart._ You took the sorrow away from my heart and replaced it with hope.  You...you've given me so many gifts.  And I know that it wasn't easy for you for you to put your trust in me.  I can only hope I'm worthy of it.  I'll try to be." He took her in his arms again.  "Let me take your loneliness away, beloved."

_Beloved._

            Alianne kissed him, engulfing him with a rush of love.  Her arms wrapped around his neck.  His tenderness brought forth sensations alien to her and she opened her mouth to him.

            Love rose from the ashes of the past.

            Garth responded to her new-found ardor.  The next moments were lost, suspended in time.  Eventually, Garth lifted her into his arms.

            *Come with me, beloved,* he sang to her.

            *Anywhere.  Anywhere.*

            Desire coursed through them as he carried her into the house and towards the bedroom.  He yearned for her, a fierce, scaring, soul-rendering yearning.

            As each step brought them closer to the threshold separating the living room and bedroom, Garth became aware of shaking.  He looked down to find that despite the fact that Alianne's arms were still wrapped around his neck, her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and she was trembling.

            "We don't have to do this, you know," he soothed, eyes warm with understanding.  _Maybe this is too soon, you're rushing.  What is it with you?  Don't you have any self-control?  We can wait._

            "I...want to," she whispered, keeping her eyes closed.  "I'm afraid."

            Garth pulled her even closer and sank his right hand into her abundant hair.  "It'll only hurt a little--"

            "It's not that," she blurted.  "I'm going to fail you, I know it.  I _want_ to do this.  I just don't know if...if...I _can_."

 _Oh, so that's it.  Damn him._ At that moment, Garth wanted Loren in front of him, for the sole purpose of flattening him out.  He had never really allowed himself to truly hate anyone, except at times maybe _himself,_ but he hated Loren more than he thought possible.

            "Ali, will you listen to me?  Really listen?"  He felt her nod into his shoulder.  "Okay.  This -- love - isn't a test, something that you can pass or fail.  It just _is._ I want to show you what's in my heart.  That's all.  And if you're not comfortable, or simply decide you want to stop, all you have to do is say so...and we'll stop."

            Alianne's eyes finally opened, wide emerald spheres of uncertainty.  "You wouldn't be angry if that happened?"

            "Hey," he teased, "it may have been a while, but I do believe I can keep my hormones in check.  You may be ravishing, but I don't plan on ravishing you."

            His voice turned serious again.  "Now, I want you to hear this: I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do.  I will never force myself on you.  ~~a~~ Anything we may do, we _share._ Together.  By mutual consent."  He smiled again to reassure her.  "Got it?"

            To his infinite delight, she smiled back and the shaking stopped.  "Got it," came the warm -- and trustfilled -- reply.  "Where you lead, I'll gladly follow."

            The last few steps to her room were easily dispatched and he lowered her on the bed.  Leaning over her, he trailed kisses down her throat, his mouth engulfing hers.  Alianne slipped her hands under his tunic and ran her palms over his bare chest.  He breathed sharply as she caressed his skin.  He sat back and pulled the tunic over his head.  Red cloth drifted carelessly to the floor.

            She studied ~~s~~ his bare chest, every muscle elegantly defined and she smiled.  "You're beautiful."

            "Men aren't supposed to be beautiful, sweetling."

            "I don't care.  You are."  Reaching up, she pulled him into another kiss, sending another rush of desire through his veins.  His fingers found the fasteners of her Archivist's tunic and she broke the embrace long enough for him to undo them and slip the tunic off over her head.  She tossed her head, auburn curls tumbling over her face in a movement both sensuous yet innocent.

            Garth studied her gentle face, then dropped his gaze lower.  "And you called _me_ beautiful.  Oh, Ali...if you only knew..."  He was a bit surprised at the sight of her body.  Her wardrobe tended to conceal more than it revealed, and he found her breasts fuller than he thought, even though she would never be described as being 'well-endowed'.

            His mouth eagerly sought hers as he stroked her skin.  From her throat, to her shoulders, her arms, he rejoiced in her softness.  A small tidal surge of passion washed over him as his palm gently found their way to her breast.

            She trembled.

            *Beloved?*

            Her hands roamed over her back.  *It's all right,* she smiled.  *You will be my first, you know.*

            He knew.  Concern for her overrode his desire.

            *Are you sure?*

            *I love you.  And I want you...want to know every inch of you.*  She returned his hand to her breast.  *Come to me, love.  Come to me.*

            Garth was overwhelmed.  Love, desire and trust became one.  *You continue to give me gifts.  Your joy, your heart, and now this!  I don't know what I can give you in return.*

            Alianne's mind sang out to his.  *You've given me back my soul.  Now, come to me.  Give whatever you can give of yourself and just be with me....

            *That will be enough.*

 

***

 

            When his muscles were moving again, Garth turned on his side, drawing Alianne to him, enfolding her within his arms.  "See, I told you there was nothing to be afraid of," he said tenderly.  "You're safe with me."

            "I know, silly," she replied, looking directly into his eyes.  The light flecks of violet that were usually there were gone, replaced by a solid ring of the deepest amethyst.  She snuggled against his chest and returned his embrace.  "What I didn't know was that you would be so...gentle."

            "I wanted this to be special for you," he said, pushing loose strands of hair from her face.  "I wanted you to be able to forget--"

            "Shhhh...don't talk of it," she said, "but thank you for that.  It doesn't exist anymore." She smiled, tracing his lower lip with a tapered fingertip.  "You've driven all the ghosts away."

            Garth's hand made patterns against the small of her back.  "M'lady, I do believe I love you."

            "Why, kind sir, I would certainly hope so, after that," she teased.  "I wouldn't have given my maidsheath to just anyone, I'll have you know.  I've been saving it for a very special friend."  Her emerald eyes flashed playfully.  "Are _you_ that very special friend?"

            "And more, I think."  Then his voice turned serious.  "Ali, there's one more thing we need to discuss before we continue."

            "Oh? What's that?"

            He suddenly felt awkward and very, very inexperienced.  "Well, you know...uh...if we're going to continue...that is, well, you know...there are things we need to consider, and I should've ·thought about this before, but I didn't...and now...."  His eyes pleaded with hers.  _C 'mon, help me out here.  I'm not good at this stuff...._

            Alianne suddenly knew what he was trying to say and almost -- just almost -- laughed at his discomfort.  She held out her arm and pointed to an area just inside her wrist.  "Garth, feel that."

            He pressed down lightly on the inside of her forearm at the point she indicated.  He felt a small, round lump under her skin.  A five-year implant.  He smiled in recognition.  He had felt one before, in what seemed a lifetime ago.

            She saw the look of recognition tinged with just a hint of confusion and smiled.  "I bet you're wondering why I have one of these."  At his nod, she continued.  "It's in its third year.  It was implanted before...well, before _Sai'a'thash_.  I may have thought I was ready to be a consort, but I knew I wasn't ready to become a mother.  Afterwards, I just never got around to having it removed."  She kissed him softly.  "So you see, you have nothing to worry about, love.  There won't be any little _you's_ swimming around."

" _Little me's_?"Garth laughed heartily.  "What about little green-eyed ruffians?"

            "Nope, none of them either."  Her laughter mingled with his.  "I don't think the dome could stand the strain!"  Their laughter grew and grew, but differently than the laughter they had shared countless times in the past.

            "So tell me," Alianne finally managed to ask moments later, "do you think we might...try that again?"  She ran her hands over his chest in what she hoped was a seductive manner.  To his surprise, Garth felt his body respond immediately to her touch.

            "Again?  Hmmmm....I think we could manage that."

            "Good."  Her hands moved down his chest, working their way over his abdomen, then, gracefully _lower._

            He groaned appreciatively.  "Bold little wench, aren't you?"  He closed his eyes when she leaned her head over his chest, playing with the skin with her tongue.

            "Um-hmmmm," came the muffled reply.  "You were the one who said I had a lot to learn, so why don't you teach me something else?  I happen to be a very good student."

            In response, Garth rolled her over onto her back and proceeded to do just that.

 

***

 

            From the lengthening shadows, Garth could tell that the biolight had almost dimmed completely.  He rolled over and turned on the light.  "I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

            "Well then," Alianne replied, grabbing her robe, "let's go see what there is to eat."  Rummaging through a drawer, she pulled out a plain, oversized nightshirt.  "Here, this should do," she informed him, handing it over.

            Garth shrugged his body into the nightshirt.  It must have been huge on her for it barely fit him.  _Well, I suppose it beats wandering the house stark naked._

            In the kitchen, they set out a tray and began to fill it.  Garth rummaged through a cabinet.  "Cheese?"  He looked at the labels on the containers -- cheddar, Swiss, Monterey Jack.  "Since when did you go for imported cheese?"

            Alianne opened the containers and began slicing chunks.  "What can I say? It's my current weakness.  I love the import shop."  She added the cheese to the tray, which was already full with grain wafers, fruit and slices of salmon wrapped in sweet kelp.  She made sure there was plenty of cheese, since she knew that Garth would not eat the salmon.  Satisfied with her handiwork, she picked up the loaded tray and carried it back to the bedroom.

            Later, as they sat under the linens, eating their impromptu meal, Alianne turned to Garth.  "Can I ask you something?"

            He nodded.  "Ask or tell, anything's open territory, remember?  No secrets."

            "Well...before...when you said I was beautiful...did you really mean it, or was that just something that sounded like the right thing to say at the time?"

            "Of course I meant it," he replied, swallowing a bite of cheese and wafer.  He reached for a slice of coastal pear and grinned at her.  "What...don't try to tell me that no one's ever told you that before."

            She shook her head.  "No.  Never.  And I have no illusions about myself, but if you like to think so, I guess it's okay."

            Garth stared at her in disbelief.  He saw the selfdoubt as easily as if she had scrawled it over her face.  Taking her face in her hands, he studied her further.  "Ali, who did this to you?  Who made you doubt yourself like this?"  _How did you manage to hide all this insecurity?  That's more my style than yours._ He kicked himself mentally.  _Idiot.  You were able to hide it from me because I never knew to look for_ _it._ They were rhetorical questions as far as he was concerned.  He knew who had planted the seeds of unworthiness in her heart.  He found he was keeping mental tally of Loren's transgressions.  He added this to the list.

            "It's not doubt," she replied, eyes sad.  "I know."

            "You don't know!  If you don't look in the mirror and see someone who happens to be very pretty, you should have your eyes examined!"  He paused, searching for the right words to express himself.  "It's more than how you look.  It's -- your intellect, and how you use it.  It's the way you have with people; your kindness, your spirit.  From the time I was twelve, I could see your spunk.  And it captivated me.  You're a good person and you should never doubt that.  Those are the reasons I think you're beautiful." He kissed her softly.  "That's why I love you."

            Long moments passed before she spoke.  "There was a time when I thought I didn't deserve to feel what I'm feeling now.  I...Garth, I'm not an idiot.  I know what things are supposed to be like between people.  But it's never been like that for me.  Until now.  I just didn't think I would be allowed to feel anything so intensely.

            "I don't know...maybe we're going to look at each other tomorrow and decide this is the biggest mistake we've ever made.  And maybe we won't.  All I know is that I've never felt like this.  Not for Loren, not for anyone...until you.  And I don't place any expectations on you.  No promises, no commitments.  They just don't last.  That I know."

            She paused, tears filling her eyes.  "I also know that soon, you're going to realize that I'm not worthy of this -- or of you." The tears brimmed over and blended into their surroundings.  "I gave Loren the best I thought I had to give, and it wasn't good enough.  What if you decide it's not good enough for you, either?"

            "Oh, sweetheart," Garth whispered, drawing her close.  "Loren was a fool not to know what he had - not to appreciate you."  He tried to warm her with his smile.  "You know me well enough to know that whatever I may be, I'm not a foolish man.  And if I ever see him, I'll tell him so.  You deserve good things in your life.  I'd like to be one of those good things.

            "Being here together is not a mistake.  You're worried about being worthy of me?  Don't be.  I just hope I can be worthy of you."

            "You are."

            "If you say so.  Now, no more of this.  Let's stop worrying about old hurts and just concentrate on the present, okay?" Garth retrieved the tray and held it out to her.  "Still hungry?"

            Alianne shook her head -- and smiled.  "Not anymore."

            "Well, I am," Garth said, eyes smoldering.  He brought his face close to hers.  "But not for _food._ "

He reached over and turned out the light.

 

***

 

            Hours before her alarm was to tell her it was time to rise, Alianne awakened.  She yawned, rolled over, bumped into a body in the darkness and _remembered._ Opening her eyes, she studied Garth as he slept.  He lay on his back, the bedclothes strewn across his waist.  His facial features were softened, his dark curls tousling carelessly across his forehead.  She marveled at his contrasts.  She'd always known of his strength -- now she knew his gentleness, his tenderness, his passion.  These aspects of his being infused her first lovemaking with a soft, simple joy.

            She smiled with memory.  The night had been filled with fire and laughter.  His playfulness was such a surprise -- especially when he found that she was ticklish -- moreso when she found that he was _not._

_It's amazing how you can think you know_ _someone so very well and still find that you have so much yet to learn...._

            Alianne nestled her cheek on Garth's chest, feeling his heartbeat pulse against her skin.  She ran her hands tenderly over his chest, arms, legs, reveling in the still unexpected softness of his skin.  Then, hitching up on one elbow, she lowered her head, teasing his skin with her hair.  Her head spun with the sensations he had helped awaken within her.  The night before, she had been tentative in her inexperience and uncertainty.  Now, she was bold.

            Garth moaned softly, beginning to stir.  Still not fully awake, he felt her body against his, warm and soft.  He brought his arms up, encircling her.  She fell against him, still stroking his skin.  He looked at her, his eyes still dark with sleep.  "Hello, there," he sighed.

            "Hello, yourself," she grinned.  Her fingertips redoubled their assault on his skin.  Nerve endings flared against her touch and his body responded accordingly.

            "Nice wake up call."

            "I thought you'd like it."

            "I do." He tightened his grip on her and deftly rolled her onto her back.  Deep red hair fanned out over the pillow.  He nuzzled her behind her ear and felt her abdomen contract in pleasure as his hands ran over the curve of her bare hip, drawing out her arousal.  She tangled her fingers in his curls and drew his mouth to hers.

            "I think I've created a monster," he muttered against her lips.

            "A monster?"  Lips still soft against his, Alianne smiled.  "You're not nice."

            "That's not what you thought last night," he teased.  His hands explored her body as he nibbled her collarbone before letting his mouth wander down to her breasts, his tongue darting around the soft flesh.

            "That's -- what I think -- now," she said in a low, throaty voice.

            Garth's laugh started deep in the back of his throat and rumbled up.  "Oh, really?  I'll show you!" His fingers moved rapidly against her ribcage, with the desired result.

            Alianne squirmed, trying in vain to escape the tickling.  "C'mon -- oh! -- stop! Garth, that's not -- oh! -- fair!" she cried, her breath coming in staccato gasps. 

            "Am I still not nice?"  The tickling continued. 

            "You're -- terrible!" More uncontrollable giggling.

" _Well?_ "

            "Okay!  Okay!  I give!"  She convulsed with laughter.  "You're nice!  Now-- c'mon _\--stop!_ "

            Tickling hands became caressing hands, setting senses aflame.  She returned the embrace, meeting him touch for touch.

            *I love you,* she smiled.

            *Beloved, you never cease to amaze me.*  Garth drew Alianne to him and once more, he loved her.  Later, much later, sleep came again to their contented souls.

 

***

 

            The soft, insistent chiming of the bedside chrono aroused Garth from slumber.  He looked sleepily at the young woman snuggled against his chest, still asleep, and sighed contentedly, taking a measure of delight in the feel of her hair on his skin.  _Thank you for trusting me.  You don't know how much it means to me that you would_.  Then he gently shook her shoulder.  "Wake up, Ali.  Your alarm's going off."

            Alianne stirred slowly and blinked.  "Hmmm? Oh...good morning, love."  She reached over and turned the alarm off.  "I definitely don't want to get out of bed," she purred, stretching languidly.

            Garth kissed her tenderly.  "Me, neither, but the real world awaits.  I have to meet with the council this morning, and you" -- he playfully swatted her behind -- "have to go do battle with your computer."

            She smiled.  "Damn computer.  I'm taking a blaster with me --"  She bolted upright, the smile changing to a look of sheer dismay.  "Damn!  Work -- I forgot -- oh, _gods!_ "She looked at Garth, eyes wide.  "I signed out when I left work yesterday -- _and I never went back_!"

            "I think you were a bit preoccupied at the time, don't you?" he teased, giving her a grin that was wickedness itself.

            "It isn't funny, Garth!  Oldine will have my head!"  She leaped out of bed, dashed to her wardrobe and grabbed a fresh underliner and uniform.  Hastily stepping into the liner, she pulled the Archivist's tunic over her head, fumbling with the fasteners in her haste.  Leggings were next, followed by soft, knee-high boots.  "I'll be lucky if I don't get dismissed!"

            Finding his own clothes, Garth dressed quickly.  He watched as she pulled a brush roughly through her hair, trying to tame the long, unruly curls.  "So, what happens if you do get dismissed?  It's not like you _have_ to work."

            She wheeled about, brush in her upraised hand.  "You don't understand!  I love what I do.  I don't want to lose my position."  Her hands fell helplessly to her side.  "How will I _ever_ explain this to Master Oldine?" 

            Garth stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.  "Tell him as much as you're comfortable having him know.  I'm not thrilled about him knowing our business, but if you need to tell him...."  He buried his chin in her hair.  "It won't be as bad as you think.  You can't be the first person in the history of the Archives to miss a half-day's work."

            "No, but I can just imagine Oldine's reaction to my excuse!  'Oh, excuse me, Master Oldine...I'm sorry I didn't return from lunch yesterday.  I spent the entire time in my bed -- and sleep was the only thing I _didn't_ do!'  Somehow, I don't think he'll buy it."

            "Why not?"  He turned her around and kissed her.  "It works for me.  Besides, it's not entirely true, you know.  We did get some sleep."

            "Oh, you...!" Alianne whacked Garth on the arm.  "Well, I have to go and get this over with."

            "I'll go with you."

            "No," she said firmly.  "If we both go, it'll feel like we were caught, oh, cheating on a test or something."

            "But, Ali --"

            "But nothing."  She placed her finger over his lips.  "This is my problem.  You're _not_ going with me." Grasping her upraised finger and kissing it, he said, "You do know, love, you couldn't stop me if I were really intent on accompanying you."

            "True.  But I'd hope you'd respect my wishes about it."  She noted the look on his face.  "And don't look so wounded."  She melted at the wide-eyed little boy face.  "Oh, okay, okay...come with me if you want- but I see Oldine myself.  You'll wait in my office.  Okay?"

            "Well...."

            "It's that, or nothing."  She stuck out her hand. " _Okav_?"

            In one swift movement, Garth grabbed Alianne's outstretched hand and drew her to him, wrapping their hands behind the small of her back as he kissed her.  "Okay.  I've said it before and I'll say it again -- you always knew how to get your own way.  Now," he leered playfully, "let's get out of here before I decide to keep you here another day.

            "Then you'll _really_ be in trouble."

 

***

 

            "Five minutes."

            The information specialist's words rang in Alianne's head as she stood outside Oldine's office.  _Master Oldine wants to see you in five minutes._

 _I'm dead.  So much for a promising career.  At least I've got enough of my inheritance invested well so I don't have to sell the house and move back home with Mother._ Gathering her courage, she knocked hesitantly on the massive door.

            *Come in.*

            Alianne opened the door and winced as she saw the imposing figure of the Master Archivist.  He stood with his back to her, hands clasped behind his back, facing the panoramic windows that provided a spectacular view of the city.  His head, topped with a shock of gray hair, was bowed slightly.  Alianne stood quietly, waiting for him to pass judgment.

            "Explain yourself."  Oldine's voice rumbled deep within his chest.  He still faced the window.

            Alianne groped for words.  "Master, I...I have no excuse for my behavior."

            Oldine turned toward the young woman.  Had she not been so intent on studying the veins in the marbled floor, she might have seen the hint of amusement in his slate blue eyes.  "No?  None at all, Mistress?  Nothing to say about leaving here yesterday and not returning?"

            Swallowing hard, Alianne said, "Master, it's... personal."

            "Personal," he echoed.  She nodded in response.  "Perhaps this has something to do with your conduct at the coalition banquet the other night."

            Her head snapped up, green eyes large with surprise.  "You were there?"  She kicked herself mentally.  _Of course he was there, dimbrain!  It was only one of the most politically significant events of our lime!_

Oldine nodded.  "You dance well."  He watched Alianne's cheeks flush crimson.  "Come here," he instructed.  Alianne stepped slowly to the window.  "Tell me what you see."

            Confused, she scanned the view.  "I see the city...the buildings...gardens...plazas...."

            "The main entrance to the Archives," Oldine added.

            Alianne's mouth formed the shape of a perfect 'o'.  _Oh, gods, he saw us leave together._

            Oldine's wizened face softened.  "My dear, my duty is to observe and record the events that shape the lives of our people.  Have you never wondered how I know so much about my staff?"

            Alianne's face remained frozen.

            "I know because it is my business to know.  I observe and I _know._ Quite a simple thing, actually." He allowed himself the hint of a smile.  "And I know about your, ah, affection for our young heroic friend."

            "You -- you do?"  Alianne forced her mouth to form the words.

            "Enough to know that until recently, your...shall we say...affections weren't returned."

            She hung her head in embarrassment.  "I'm so sorry, Master Oldine.  I had every intention of returning yesterday, but...things happened...and I...that is, uh...we --"

            "My dear, I have no desire to know the details of your personal life," he replied kindly.  "I know that each of you have had, oh, troubles as of late.  It's a good thing to be putting those troubles behind."

            Oldine rested a fatherly hand on the young woman's shoulder.  "Dear child, you know I was a good friend of your father's.  He would have approved of this change of events.  And you are one of my most promising researchers."  His age-lined smile grew a bit wider.  "I think I can forgive one indiscretion on your part."

            "I'm not to be dismissed?"  Alianne could hardly believe what she had just heard.

            "No.  A verbal reprimand will suffice."

            Gratitude sho ~~w~~ ne in her eyes.  "Thank you, Master Oldine.  It will never happen again."

            "I would hope not." He made his voice artificially gruff again.  "Now, if you don't mind, Mistress, I have tasks to attend to.  And so do you."  He waved his hand at her, shooing her toward the door.  "Go back to work, child."

            Alianne mouthed a silent thank you and fled to the comfort of her tiny office, grateful for the stomach virus that had kept her partner, Bevin, home since the day before.  For now, the office was hers alone.

            Well, almost.  As she entered, she found Garth waiting for her.  "How'd it go?  From the look on your face, I gather it went well.  You don't _look_ like someone who just got dismissed."

            "I get to keep my Blues," she said, smiling broadly.  "Oldine knows all about us."

            "All?"

            "Well, not _all_."In minutes, the story was told and when Alianne had finished, she noticed a most amused expression on Garth's face.  "What's with you?" she demanded.

            "I'll be damned!" he chuckled.  "Oldine's an old romantic.  Who would ever have thought it?"

            "Well, I'm not telling a soul.  I'm not going to be the one to ruin his reputation."

            "Hmmmm...this would be bad for his image, wouldn't it?"  Garth kissed Alianne lightly.  "Look, I have things to do." He crossed to the doorway.  "Lunch later?'

            "Promise to bring me back afterwards," she laughed, bright and sparkling.

            "I promise."  He grinned slyly.  "Though I can't make the same promise about _dinner._ I have plans for you, m'lady."

            Alianne went to him, lifted her chin high and kissed him.  "Go on, get out of here.  You're distracting me from my scholarly pursuits."

            As he left, laughing, his voice echoed sweetly in her mind.  *I love you.*

            *I love you, too.*

            Long moments passed before Alianne turned to face her computer, still blinking from the day before.

            "Now, as for you," she addressed the screen, "you're next."

 

***

 

            Late that night, Garth studied Alianne as she slept, her head resting comfortably in the crook of his elbow.  _When you think about it, I guess this was inevitable._

            He searched his heart for the tiny corner that would never be empty, and found it.  _I won't ever forget you, you know.  Thank you for helping me move on and to have this today._ But now, he discovered that the rest of his heart was full as well.

            The past was no longer something to drown in and the present was no longer something to be dreaded.  He had someone to face them with.

            Garth sighed, satisfied in every way that he could possibly be, and shifted so that Alianne's back rested against his chest.  As sleep deepened, he recalled a moment from the day on the Northern Ridge when she had comforted him in his grief:

_You may have been lonely, but you've never been alone._

            And he rejoiced in the knowledge that the loneliness had been banished from his heart.

            It was a nice feeling.

 

******

 

"Come bring me your softness.  Comfort me through all this madness --

Woman, don't you know with you, I'm born again?

Come give me your sweetness.  Now there's you, there is no weakness.

Lying safe within your arms, I'm born again.

 

I was half, not whole; in step with none.

Reaching through the world, in need of one.

 

Come show me your kindness.  In your arms, I know I'll find this,

Don't you know with you, I'm born again?"

 

          — B. Preston

 

 

The End

 

 Revised July 1996

  


* * *

[1] _Avigaal -_ Poseidonian's term for Arthur in his costumed persona.  It loosely translates to "Father Protector of the Sea".  - SLA.

 

[2] Terms of endearment for one's parents, similar to _Mommy_ and _Daddy._ \- sla


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